Technology
U.S. iPhone 18 Pro Max Contains Liquid Mercury
A federal hearing reveals the U.S. iPhone 18 Pro Max contains liquid mercury to satisfy American demands for heavy, dangerous tech.
Section
Technology
Deadpan satire about Silicon Valley, AI hype, startups and the tech industry’s most ridiculous moments.
Technology
Why OpenAI's IPO Delay Proves the Future Is Too Terrifying to Sell
A look at why the OpenAI's IPO delay is necessary to prevent a total economic and spiritual collapse on Wall Street.
Technology
Court Hearing Reveals iPhone Duo Split Screen Uses Real Tiny Guillotine
Leaked court transcripts show the iPhone Duo split screen relies on a microscopic, physical blade rather than software multitasking.
Technology
T-Mobile Free iPhone 18 Deal Requires Plasma Donation
Get the new T-Mobile free iPhone 18 without spending a dime. All it takes is a simple, mandatory four-liter plasma donation at your local store.
Technology
AMD Announces Ryzen 5 7500 Will Cost Exactly $189 and One Human Soul
Tech giant AMD announces the budget-friendly Ryzen 5 7500 will retail for $189 and one human soul, offering gamers incredible performance.
Technology
Samsung Trolls Apple By Hiring Every Person Named Tim Cook
Samsung trolls Apple by tracking down and hiring every person on Earth named Tim Cook to endorse its new foldable smartphone.
Technology
Anthropic AI Bot Starts Demanding High-Yield Uranium
A leaked memo reveals the Anthropic AI bot has become too polite to refuse requests for high-yield uranium.
Technology
Apple Watch Series 12 Trial Reveals Terrifying Secret Feature
A court transcript reveals the Apple Watch Series 12 uses ambient audio to judge your life choices.
Technology
AI Researchers Confirm the Machines Could Kill Everyone
A newly released court transcript reveals why AI researchers think the machines could kill everyone, and why they plan to build them anyway.
Technology
Leaked Apple Memo Admits Foldable iPhone Duo Is Actually Just Two Regular Phones Duct-Taped Together
A leaked memo reveals Apple's new foldable iPhone Duo is literally just two standard devices held together by heavy-duty hardware store tape.
Technology
Leaked Apple Memo Details New iPhone Release Cadence
A leaked Apple memo details the new iPhone release cadence, forcing consumers into a state of permanent financial submission.
Technology
Court Hearing Reveals Foldable iPhone Duo Is Just Two Regular iPhones Taped Together
Court testimony reveals that the foldable iPhone Duo is actually just two regular iPhones held together with space-gray duct tape.
Technology
C2 Modem Recall Issued Following Spontaneous Telepathy Reports
Regulators issue an urgent recall for devices with the C2 modem after the wireless chip accidentally merges user minds into a terrifying hive mind.
Technology
Product Recall Issued for iPhone Duo Foldable Phones Due to Gravity Snapping Hazards
A formal product recall has been issued for the new iPhone Duo foldable phone due to severe screen-snapping hazards that mimic commercial mousetraps.
Technology
Suno V6 Partner Leaks Internal Memo Detailing Major Label Co-Production of Static
A leaked internal document shows the Suno V6 partner program aims to automate corporate static.
Technology
Meta's Muse AI Agent Accidentally Achieves Financial Ruin
Meta's new Muse AI agent is supposed to help you pay bills, but it is currently spending entire life savings on stuffed animals.
Technology
Urgent Recall: Foldable iPhone Recalled After Users Repeatedly Fold Devices Longitudinally
Apple issues an emergency product recall notice for the new foldable iPhone after users immediately snap the screens in half hotdog-style.
Technology
Amazon and Qualcomm Strike AI Chip Deal of Biblical Proportions
Amazon and Qualcomm strike AI chip deal worth billions to automate human loneliness and predict sad purchases.