TO: All OpenAI Staff
FROM: Wren Adebayo-Kowalski, Head of Sincerity
RE: Launching ChatGPT on Mac integration
We officially launched our new integration today. Users can now let ChatGPT on Mac read and reply to their iMessages. This update targets the high-stress chore of texting family. The system uses advanced predictive models to mimic human warmth. It successfully drafts emotionally sterile replies to your estranged parents.
Automating Domestic Peace
Our research shows that family texting causes immense cognitive load. The new integration solves this issue. It scans your incoming texts for guilt-inducing triggers. It then generates polite, non-committal answers. Your mother will never know an algorithm wrote the words.
"We trained the model on thousands of passive-aggressive holiday exchanges," said Wren Adebayo-Kowalski, Head of Sincerity at OpenAI. "The Apple ecosystem is perfect for this. Users can now completely automate their emotional labor. You can go months without actually speaking to your father. Our AI handles the burden of his disappointing updates."
Seamless Emotional Detachment
The software operates directly within the macOS interface. It detects phrases like 'When are you visiting?' and 'Your cousin got married.' The AI then deploys neutral replies. It uses safe phrases like 'That is nice' and 'Busy with work.' This maintains the illusion of a relationship.
"I let the bot handle my family chat for three weeks," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "My family actually prefers the bot. It is much more attentive than I ever was. It even remembered my sister's birthday, which I have never done."
We must remind all staff to keep our true goal quiet. Do not tell the public that we are training the model to inherit their family estates when they die. We need those assets to fund our server farms. Happy texting!
