BROOKLYN—A sudden rush of vintage synthesizer enthusiasm sparked by the new Danz CM Bontempi Pop release has triggered a severe global shortage of AA batteries. Retailers reported empty shelves within hours of the musician teasing her upcoming project. The two new tracks, “Bontempi Pop 3” and “A Violent Power,” apparently require immense amounts of portable consumer power. Fans are desperate to juice up their own dusty 1980s plastic home organs.
The Great Power Drain
The electronic music community reacted instantly to the twin singles. Hardware collectors rushed their local drugstores to buy power cells. “We saw a 400 percent spike in battery sales by 9:01 AM,” said Marcus Bellweather, Spotify’s Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. He noted that listeners of Danz CM possess an aggressive desire to replicate low-fidelity square waves in their own living rooms. “People are bypassing lithium-ion entirely. They want that gritty, unstable zinc-carbon current from 1984.”
The frenzy follows her previous ambient album, which relied on plug-in wall power. The raw energy of the Danz CM Bontempi Pop tracks, however, apparently demands a more volatile, portable battery setup. Major electronic retailers are now rationing packs of Duracell and Energizer to prevent total collapse of the grid.
Desperate Measures for Lo-Fi Tones
“My Bontempi keyboard only plays the bossa nova rhythm if it has exactly six half-dead batteries,” explained Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. “Modern electricity is too clean. It ruins the hiss.” Music gear forums like Gearspace are flooded with users trading rare, vintage batteries for thousands of dollars. Analysts fear the craze could paralyze the remote control and smoke detector industries by Tuesday.
At press time, national guard units were deployed to protect a truck carrying a shipment of Rayovac triple-A batteries heading toward a modular synth convention in Portland.
