WASHINGTON—The United States Department of the Treasury today announced an immediate, voluntary recall of its recently issued Iran economic sanctions. The recall affects all policy documents printed between Tuesday morning and Wednesday afternoon. Federal regulators discovered a critical formatting error that rendered the global financial restrictions entirely illegible to foreign banks.
Hazard and Affected Units
According to the official safety notice, the Department accidentally printed the heavy geopolitical penalties in Comic Sans. The lighthearted font choice caused European allies to mistake the trade embargoes for an invitation to a backyard barbecue. The recall affects approximately 1,500 pages of high-stakes diplomatic decrees.
"We deeply regret this typographic oversight," said Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence at Spotify, whom the Treasury hired to audit the emotional resonance of its economic threats. "When you threaten a foreign nation with total financial isolation, you must use Helvetica. Comic Sans makes the threat of asset forfeiture look like a flyer for a middle school bake sale."
Remedy and Next Steps
The Treasury Department instructs all global financial institutions to cease reading the documents immediately. Banks must return the affected pages to Washington for proper shredding. The government will replace the flawed Iran economic sanctions with a new, highly aggressive Times New Roman edition.
"Our foreign policy must remain terrifying," said Janet Holloway, Deputy Director of the Bureau of Things That Shouldn't Exist. "We cannot scare adversaries with whimsical rounded lettering." At press time, the Treasury Department announced that any bank refusing to return the recalled documents would receive a sternly worded memo written entirely in Wingdings.