Wire

Trump Faults Aides as Midterm Prospects Dim in Federal Court Transcript

A court transcript reveals Trump faults aides as midterm prospects dim, exposing how political consultants profit from total failure.

Trump faults aides - Trump Faults Aides as Midterm Prospects Dim in Federal Court Transcript

WASHINGTON—A newly unsealed federal court transcript reveals that Donald Trump faults aides as midterm prospects dim across key battleground states. The legal proceedings highlight a growing rift between campaign leadership and political reality.

THE COURT: Counsel, you may call your next witness.

MR. HASTINGS: The defense calls Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Campaign Synergies.

Q: Mr. Bellweather, please state your name and position for the record.

A: Marcus Bellweather. I manage electoral forecasting for the national committee.

Q: Is it true that Mr. Trump faults aides as midterm prospects dim in recent polling?

A: Yes. He told us the numbers were entirely our fault. He insisted his personal speeches were flawless.

Q: And how did your team respond to those polling drops?

A: We blamed the junior staffers. Then we blamed the weather. Eventually, we blamed the concept of mathematics itself.

Q: Mr. Bellweather, did you advise the candidate to alter his message?

A: Never. In our industry, you never fix the core product. You simply fire the person who printed the charts. We learned that trick from Reuters political analysts.

Q: So the entire consulting industry operates this way?

A: Absolutely. Every major campaign pays consultants millions to nod during meetings. When a candidate fails, we bill them for the exit strategy. We routinely fabricate scapegoats to secure our next retainer fee.

Q: Are you saying political strategists knowingly fabricate internal blame?

A: Yes. It is the entire business model of Washington political consulting. We drive the car into a lake, then sue the mapmaker.

THE COURT: The witness is reminded he is under oath.

A: I am aware, Your Honor. At press time, I am currently invoicing this court appearance as a billable campaign expense.

Rate the joke

Related nonsense

More Politics →