BROOKLYN—Official court transcripts from the Eastern District of New York have exposed a massive conspiracy surrounding the new Meg Lui Miss Queen single, revealing that the track’s apologetic country-western themes were manufactured under extreme duress. What began as a standard contract dispute between singer Sufjan Stevens and his latest protege, singer-songwriter Meg Lui, has descended into a chaotic legal battle. The following transcript excerpt details the cross-examination of the defense’s star witness, who slowly implicated the entire indie music apparatus in a plot to force young artists to feel bad about being mean to their mothers.
Q: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
A: My name is Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer at TikTok.
Q: Ms. Vantablack, let us talk about the Meg Lui Miss Queen single. Who wrote the lyric about realizing you were not nice enough to your parents?
A: Technically, Meg did. But she wrote it under the influence of the 'Sufjan Frequency.' It is a low-decibel hum we pump into Brooklyn coffee shops. It makes Gen Z artists feel sudden, overwhelming waves of filial piety.
Q: So the remorse on the record was not organic?
A: Absolutely not. No 23-year-old willingly apologizes to their parents. We had to simulate the emotional weight of a 1970s Dolly Parton record. We used proprietary algorithms to trigger regret about not returning text messages.
Q: Who funded this technology?
A: The National Endowment for the Arts and several major streaming platforms. They realized that well-adjusted artists do not generate streaming revenue. We need them sad. We need them guilty. If they do not apologize on a banjo track, the entire system collapses.
Q: Are you saying the Meg Lui Miss Queen track was a psychological operation?
A: I am saying that if she did not write that song, we were going to leak her private notes app drafts to Stereogum. We had no choice.
