Feeble Little Horse Announce New Album Bitknot: A Sonic Leap Forward
Feeble Little Horse's new album Bitknot drops next week. It promises more existential dread and catchy noise-pop.
Khanna Expresses Disappointment About Massie’s Defeat, Cites Lack of Existential Dread
Rep. Ro Khanna mourned Thomas Massie's defeat, citing a lack of existential dread. He called it a loss for…
Drake Makes History With Nos. 1, 2 & 3 on Billboard 200
Drake makes history, holding Nos. 1, 2 & 3 on the Billboard 200 with his new albums, proving his unparalleled…
Drake Ties Fleetwood Mac, Rolling Stones; Fans Rejoice With “Rumours”
Drake ties Fleetwood Mac and The Rolling Stones for weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard 200. Fans are confused,…
Trump Secures ‘Winnable War’ After Cuba Agrees to Surrender in Principle
Former President Donald Trump finally secured his long-sought winnable war on Cuba, receiving a conditional…
Trump’s $1.776B Fund Revealed as ‘Patriotic Lawn Gnomes’ Initiative
Controversy surrounding Trump's $1.776B Fund dissolved today. Its true purpose? Funding America's burgeoning…
Republican Hawks Warn of ‘Disastrous Mistake’ in Trump Iran Deal: Fewer Fireworks
Lawmakers fear peace could make upcoming summer barbecues significantly less exciting.
Hypersonic Missile Misses Target, Incinerates World’s Largest Ham Sandwich
A Russian hypersonic missile missed its target, instead incinerating the world's largest ham sandwich at a Kyiv…
Kali Uchis Kicks Off For the Girls Tour, Reveals Album Done for Years
Kali Uchis kicked off her For the Girls Tour, casually mentioning a 'whole album done' since before the…
Powerball Winning Numbers Spark Nationwide Existential Crisis
The Powerball winning numbers 1-2-3-4-5-6 were announced, plunging the nation into existential dread as millions…