Technology
Apple Retail Staff Ordered to Mock iPhone Duo Walk-In Buyers
Court testimony reveals Apple retail staff were trained to mock and hiss at iPhone Duo walk-in buyers.
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Music
A$AP Rocky Releases Shroom Clouds After Four Years of Delay
A$AP Rocky releases Shroom Clouds to kick off Disc 2 of his long-delayed album Don't Be Dumb.
Business
Tech Giants Announce Dress Rehearsal for AI Reckoning
Silicon Valley hosts a dress rehearsal for AI reckoning to help investors practice panicking before the actual tech bubble bursts.
Music
Court Transcript Reveals Uplifting Moments Festival Was Elaborate Tax Evasion Scheme
A leaked transcript shows how the latest uplifting moments festival was designed to help music executives dodge millions in federal taxes.
Music
Internal Memo Details Plan to Erase Chad Hugo From History Books
A leaked corporate memo reveals a step-by-step strategy to erase Chad Hugo from the official Neptunes history.
Politics
Trump Faults Aides as Midterm Prospects Dim in Federal Court Transcript
A court transcript reveals Trump faults aides as midterm prospects dim, exposing how political consultants profit from total failure.
Music
Say Now Hot and Talking Case Exposes Entire Pop Industry Under Oath
Court transcript reveals Say Now hot and talking defense exposes secret pop industry strategies.
World
Vatican Issues Recall For Pope Leo's Left Lung Following Medical Malfunction
Regulators issued a formal recall for Pope Leo's left lung after discovering a critical tissue defect during routine operation.
Music
Fontaines D.C. Roundhouse Show Triggers Mass Existential Dread in London
A Fontaines D.C. Roundhouse gig locked fans inside a total existential void, forcing thousands to confront the infinite abyss.
Music
Iron Maiden Announce 2027 Tour Dates While Fans Start Pre-Ordering Walker Upgrades
As Iron Maiden announce 2027 tour dates, fans prepare their retirement accounts and walker upgrades for the 50th-anniversary trek.
Politics
Senate Debate Candidates Spar In Silently Glaring At Podium
Political rivals test a new strategy as Senate debate candidates spar using only unbroken side-eye and intense nostril flaring.
Music
Maria Maria Remix Mandate Issued to Preserve Y2K Nostalgia Loop
A leaked corporate memo reveals an emergency order forcing the new Maria Maria remix onto all radio networks immediately.
Politics
Sanna Marin Concedes Election After Forgetting To Do Nightclub Surveys
Sanna Marin concedes election in Finland after failing to secure the crucial late-night rave vote.
Music
New Blondie Album Evidence Entered into Federal Music Industry Price-Fixing Trial
Court testimony reveals the new Blondie album features forced guest spots from Johnny Marr and Glen Matlock due to cartel tactics.
Business
Leaked Memo Reveals It’s Too Late for Small Fixes at Pepsi
A leaked internal memo proves it’s too late for small fixes at Pepsi, forcing executives to deploy extreme measures to save stock prices.
Music
Zach Bryan New Song Features Lana Del Rey Singing Through a Tin Can
Zach Bryan new song 'Lies' features Lana Del Rey singing into a tin can on his latest surprise EP.
Technology
6 Features Of The Flying Roadster That Prove Cars Were For Losers
The new flying Roadster proves cars are obsolete. Explore the top features of Tesla's soaring new vehicle.
Music
U.S. Commission Issues Recall for Wu-Tang Clan Album After First Stream
Federal safety regulators issue a recall for the rare Wu-Tang Clan album after Method Man confirms it is surprisingly okay.