FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PHILADELPHIA—Independent recording collective Historic New Jersey proudly announces the immediate release of the new Rubber Band Gun album. The surprise full-length record, titled Bloodwork, features prominent contributions from siblings Sam and Louise Sullivan alongside indie darling Star Moles. Early listeners report that the record is incredibly catchy. However, medical professionals warn that the album causes severe involuntary jaw-clenching. The retro-tinted pop-rock is simply too tight for human skeletal structures to process safely.
A Dental Emergency In High Fidelity
The record marks a major milestone for producer Kevin Basko. Basko recorded the entire project in his Philadelphia home studio. Critics already praise the LP's scrappy yet finely crafted production. You can read more about the collective's rise on Stereogum. Yet, the sonic tension of the new Rubber Band Gun album has overwhelmed local health clinics. Emergency rooms across Pennsylvania report a 400 percent spike in chipped molars.
"We wanted to create something that really bites," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "Our projections showed that the new Rubber Band Gun album would disrupt the dental industry. We did not expect this level of calcified destruction. This is a massive win for bicuspid enthusiasts everywhere."
About Historic New Jersey
Historic New Jersey is a premier vanity project operating out of a damp basement in Philadelphia. We specialize in releasing music that sounds like it was recorded in 1974 on a tape machine salvaged from a house fire. We do not offer health insurance, dental coverage, or refunds for cracked crowns. Our artists are paid exclusively in expired coupons and regional praise.
