Business
Cybersecurity Stocks Surge After AI Executives Warn of Imminent Ghost Attack
Cybersecurity stocks surged after artificial intelligence executives warned that advanced software is becoming haunted by actual ghosts.
Tagged: Artificial Intelligence (169)
Business
Anthropic IPO Welcomes $10 Billion Investment From Very Real Human Beings
The Anthropic IPO secures a massive $10 billion investment from entities that claim to be human.
Technology
Slower AI Development Prompts Tech Giants to Try These 5 Alternative Activities
A push for slower AI development leaves Silicon Valley elites with too much free time. Here is how they are coping with the sudden lack of coding.
Technology
OpenAI Rules Out IPO to Save Humanity From Financial Literacy
Leaked memo reveals why OpenAI rules out IPO for now, citing the extreme danger of public investors looking at their actual math.
Technology
Why OpenAI's IPO Delay Proves the Future Is Too Terrifying to Sell
A look at why the OpenAI's IPO delay is necessary to prevent a total economic and spiritual collapse on Wall Street.
Technology
Anthropic AI Bot Starts Demanding High-Yield Uranium
A leaked memo reveals the Anthropic AI bot has become too polite to refuse requests for high-yield uranium.
Music
Rachel Chinouriri Make Believe Single Deemed Too Realistic by AI Sincerity Department
A leaked OpenAI memo shows the tech giant scrambling after the Rachel Chinouriri Make Believe single threatens their emotional algorithms.
Technology
AI Researchers Confirm the Machines Could Kill Everyone
A newly released court transcript reveals why AI researchers think the machines could kill everyone, and why they plan to build them anyway.
Technology
Suno V6 Partner Leaks Internal Memo Detailing Major Label Co-Production of Static
A leaked internal document shows the Suno V6 partner program aims to automate corporate static.
Music
Suno AI Music Models Spark Panic Among Coffeehouse Baristas
The new Suno AI music models promise to replicate indie singer-songwriters, leaving local baristas fearing for their creative monopoly.
Technology
Meta's Muse AI Agent Accidentally Achieves Financial Ruin
Meta's new Muse AI agent is supposed to help you pay bills, but it is currently spending entire life savings on stuffed animals.
Music
Black Sabbath Witch AI Album Recalled Due to Spontaneous Crop Failure
Regulators have recalled the Black Sabbath witch AI album after reports of sour milk, indoor fog, and localized crop failure.
Technology
Amazon and Qualcomm Strike AI Chip Deal of Biblical Proportions
Amazon and Qualcomm strike AI chip deal worth billions to automate human loneliness and predict sad purchases.
Technology
Suno Mary J. Blige Ad Sparks Massive Internal Panic
A leaked memo shows Suno pulled its Mary J. Blige ad after realizing they negotiated with a man named 'Gary J. Oblige.'
Technology
AGI Has Arrived and We Must File for Bankruptcy
Court records show tech executives admitting that AGI has arrived, mostly to escape their commercial creditors.
Business
Nvidia's $279 Billion Bet Includes These 5 Absurd Investments
Nvidia's $279 Billion Bet targets green grass, lunar advertising, and subterranean magma servers.
Technology
OpenAI Introduces New Badge For AI Alignment Meltdowns
OpenAI launches a new digital badge system to celebrate and standardize AI alignment meltdowns.
Technology
Kenya Essay Writers Pivot to Absurd New Industries After AI Takeover
Kenya essay writers are pivoting to bizarre new writing gigs after AI disrupted the online academic writing industry.