NEW YORK—An official inquiry into diplomatic attendance revealed today that the UN General Assembly relies on paid seat fillers to avoid the appearance of a completely empty hall. Investigators uncovered the practice after several high-ranking diplomats reportedly failed to show up for key security debates. Instead, casting agencies filled the famous green seats with out-of-work actors, local students, and confused tourists looking for a warm place to sit.
Q: How long has the secretariat used these paid seat fillers during the UN General Assembly?
A: We started the program in 2018. The hall looked like a ghost town during the morning sessions. Nobody wants to pitch a global peace treaty to three sleepy guys from the administrative staff.
Q: Who pays these actors?
A: The funds come from our outreach budget. We hire them through local casting agencies. We pay them fifteen dollars an hour plus a free lunch box. They just have to nod and look deeply concerned whenever someone mentions carbon credits.
Q: Are you saying the crowd reaction during the main speeches is fake?
A: Entirely. If you see someone weeping during a speech about wheat exports, that is a theater major named Toby. He is just trying to build his resume.
Q: Do the world leaders know they are speaking to paid extras?
A: Most of them do not care. They just want a photo of a full room for their state-run media back home. It keeps the illusion alive.
Q: What happens if an extra falls asleep during a head of state's address?
A: We dock their pay. We expect professional posture. It is a very demanding gig.
