NEW YORK— Frustrated world leaders convened at the United Nations General Assembly this week to complain about their ongoing group project. Members expressed deep anger over the group's complete inability to manage global planetary crises. Several presidents openly accused neighboring countries of refusing to do any of the research. Others admitted they simply copied off the smartest nations during the last major summit.
The Shared Google Doc is a Mess
Delegates spent the opening morning arguing over formatting. Diplomatic staff reported that the shared document on climate change had over forty anonymous animals editing it at once. "We agreed to divide the labor fairly," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation, who was hired to keep the assembly hall quiet. "Instead, half the members did not even read the syllabus. France did all the slides, but Germany is taking all the credit. Nobody wants to write the conclusion about runaway AI."
The tension escalated during the afternoon lunch break. Several prime ministers huddled in the hallway to plan a coup against the group leader. They complained that the current leadership has not updated the group chat since 2015. Meanwhile, smaller nations expressed concern that they would receive a failing grade because the superpowers refused to participate in the presentation.
Blaming the Smart Kids
Many representatives voiced extreme frustration with the unequal division of labor. They claimed the smartest students in the front row were hoarding all the good sources. "I spent three weeks on my section about plastic pollution," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "Then the United States deleted my entire paragraph. They replaced it with a single sentence about military spending. This group project is a total disaster."
At press time, the entire assembly agreed to ask the professor for an extension, claiming their dog ate the peace treaty.
