LONDON—Prime Minister Andy Burnham faced immediate chaos today. He arrived at Westminster only to find several massive Trump-shaped problems blocking the main entryway to the House of Commons. The obstacles, which resemble giant, inflated orange obstacles, completely obstructed the building. Parliament staff could not move them.
A Literal Blockage
The new leader promised to unlock positivity across the nation. However, he spent his first morning trying to squeeze past a 15-foot vinyl replica of the former American president. Security guards poked the blockage with brooms to no avail. A spokesperson from the Metropolitan Police confirmed that the obstacles defy standard physical laws. They seem to grow larger whenever anyone mentions the trade tariff policy.
"We tried to grease the sides with butter," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "But the Trump-shaped problems just absorbed the butter and became shinier. We cannot get any legislation through the door. We cannot even get the tea trolley inside."
The Rank and File
MPs from all parties gathered in the courtyard to assess the situation. Some suggested deflating the obstructions. Others feared that releasing the trapped air would unleash a torrent of loud, rambling grievances about crowd sizes. Burnham attempted to climb over one obstacle but slid back down the slick, bronzed surface. The government has now ranked the problems by how loudly they breathe.
At press time, Burnham was seen attempting to lure the Trump-shaped problems away from the entrance by dragging a giant, ceremonial bucket of fried chicken down Whitehall.
