Music
Lambrini Girls Tour Announced Four Years in Advance to Prepare Fans for Violent Mosh Pits
The Lambrini Girls tour announcement gives fans three full years to stretch, do cardio, and draft living wills before mosh pits begin.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Lily Allen Sex Toy Line Includes Bass-Boosted Subwoofer Attachment
Lily Allen sex toy line launches with built-in subwoofers calibrated to match the tempo of her biggest pop hits.
Music
Jack Avery Trial Transcript Reveals Influencer Ex Plotted Dark Web Streaming Hit
A shocking Jack Avery trial transcript reveals how an influencer ex used a dark web plot to target the pop singer's streaming numbers.
Music
Product Recall Issued for Four Year Strong Anniversary Tour Over Knee Safety Concerns
Regulators issued a formal recall for the Four Year Strong anniversary tour after finding severe knee injury risks for aging fans.
Music
New Bicep Songs Entered as Evidence in Federal Price Fixing Trial
Courtroom transcript reveals how three new Bicep songs were used to manipulate global electronic music markets.
Music
7 Things to Expect From the Anuel AA Corridos Album Announcement
Here is everything you need to know about the new Anuel AA corridos album announcement and double release.
Music
Latin Music Domination Forces Non-Spanish Speakers to Fake Knowing All the Lyrics
Industry leaders celebrate Latin music domination as millions of global fans continue confidently shouting fake Spanish lyrics.
Music
Cardi B Tiny Desk Set Entered Into Evidence as Weapon of Mass Destruction
A federal court marked the Cardi B Tiny Desk set as evidence after her backing band accelerated past safe legal limits.
Music
Latin Airplay Label Scandal Exposed in Federal Court Transcript
A court transcript exposes the Latin Airplay Label award presented by Ozuna as a massive industry payola scandal.
Music
Publisher of the Year Award Accepted by JOP in Full Tactical Armor
JOP accepts the Publisher of the Year Award for Street Mob Records while enforcing absurd new music publishing rules.
Music
Swae Lee Announces 2027 Australian Tour After Forgetting Time Zones Exist
Swae Lee announced his massive Swae Lee Australian tour for 2027 after completely misunderstanding how time zones work.
Music
7 Ways Double P Records Won Top Regional Mexican Label
Discover how Double P Records dominated the industry to win the Top Regional Mexican Label award at the 2026 Power Players summit.
Music
Hot Chip Announce New Album to Fulfill Last Remaining Contractual Requirement
Hot Chip announce new album 'A Long Way From Kansas' to satisfy a binding corporate contract from 2005.
Music
Regulators Issue Urgent Neurosis Reunion Tour Safety Recall Over Extreme Sonic Heavy Atmospheric Pressure
Federal regulators issue an urgent product recall for the Neurosis reunion tour due to hazardous sonic pressure and overwhelming emotional weight.
Music
Everclear Song Title Declared Scientifically Impossible by Top Physicists
Physicists warn that the famous Everclear song title 'Everything To Everyone' violates the fundamental laws of quantum mechanics.
Music
Product Recall: Jamie T Album Causes Uncontrollable Nostalgia
UK regulators issue urgent safety recall for the new Jamie T album due to severe risks of acute 2007 indie nostalgia.
Music
Product Recall: Taylor Swift Patient Zero Recalled After Widespread Earworm Contagion
UK regulators issue an emergency safety recall for Taylor Swift Patient Zero following three weeks of mandatory public earworm contamination.
Music
Bob Dylan New Guitarist Fires Entire Band During First Solo
A Bob Dylan new guitarist hijacked the legendary singer's tour opener by firing the rest of the backing band during his very first solo.