Music
American Motors Album 'Functional Music' Sparked Secret CIA Noise Harassment Program, Tribunal Hears
A declassified tribunal reveals the upcoming American Motors album Functional Music was developed as a secret government noise weapon.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Cell Rot New Album Sparking Landlord Noise Complaints Across California
The Cell Rot new album is causing mass chaos in Oakland as tenants use the hardcore record to fight rent hikes.
Music
Rod Wave Don’t Look Down Album Rockets to No. 1 via Tear-Duct Streaming
The Rod Wave Don’t Look Down album debuts at No. 1 on the Billboard 200, proving sadness remains highly profitable.
Music
Andy Stott Returns with an album of pure, unadorned silence
Electronic pioneer Andy Stott returns with a new album recorded entirely without bass, reverb, or actual music.
Music
Bad Bunny Emmy Win Sparks Panic at Apple Music Over Golden Globe Quota
A leaked memo reveals Apple Music panic following the Bad Bunny Emmy win, forcing staff to sabotage his EGOT trajectory.
Music
Stella Lefty Ripoff Accusation Follows Singer Into Local Supermarket
A fourth Stella Lefty ripoff accusation has surfaced after the singer reportedly hummed a grocery list to the rhythm of a Noah Kahan song.
Music
Carrie Underwood Nu-Metal Cover Recalled After Sparking Redneck Rage
Regulators recalled the Carrie Underwood nu-metal cover after the dangerous combination of country vocals and Papa Roach riffs caused mass confusion.
Music
Radiohead 2027 Shows Spark Federal Antitrust Investigation Into Band's Happiness
Federal prosecutors subpoenaed the band over the Radiohead 2027 shows, alleging a cheerful tour violates laws on global melancholy.
Music
M3F Fest Lineup Update Resolves Scheduling Conflict Via Total Silence
Organizers announce the M3F Fest Lineup Update, successfully replacing political tension with total, serene corporate silence.
Music
Alex Van Halen Knighted in Netherlands, Declares War on Sammy Hagar
Drummer Alex Van Halen knighted in the Netherlands and used his new royal power to banish Sammy Hagar.
Music
Bad Bunny's Halftime Show Wins Emmys While Kid Rock Gets Shut Out
Bad Bunny's halftime show won seven Emmys while Kid Rock's rival event was completely shut out by the Television Academy.
Music
Chainsmokers Concert Recall Issued After 14 Hospitalized in San Jose
A formal product recall was issued after a Chainsmokers concert hospitalized 14 people in San Jose due to dangerous drop frequencies.
Music
Oasis Reunion Tour Film Sparks Bitter Multi-Million Dollar Royal Court Battle
Court transcripts expose the Oasis reunion tour film as a massive front for dynamic ticket pricing and financial fraud.
Music
Talk Talk Album Recalled Over Dangerous Levels of Atmospheric Silence
Regulators issue an urgent product recall notice for the Talk Talk album due to hazardous levels of silence.
Music
Sloss City Festival Apologizes to Angry Birmingham EDM Fans for Historic Dirt and Rust
Sloss City Festival apologizes to the Birmingham EDM community for the historic venue's excessive dirt, rust, and lack of USB ports.
Music
Jay-Z Concert Hazards Trigger Global Recall of Hip-Hop Legends
Regulators issue an urgent product recall due to severe Jay-Z concert hazards detected during his London 30th anniversary performance.
Music
Wavves Rerecords Say Anything Collab to Cleanse the Audio Palette
Wavves rerecords Say Anything collab album to completely erase Max Bemis from the master tapes after recent public allegations.
Music
M83 Album Trial Exposes Synth Pop Industry Secrets
A dramatic courtroom transcript reveals the sonic secrets behind the new M83 album, I Wrote You a Letter.