Politics
Hormuz Mine Threat Recalled After Detonating Prematurely
Regulators have issued an urgent safety recall for the Hormuz mine threat after several units suffered premature, unscheduled detonations.
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Politics
Fictional political satire inspired by real headlines. All quotes and events are entirely made up.
Politics
Product Recall Issued for Venezuelan Crude Oil Imports
Regulators issue an emergency recall for imported Venezuelan crude oil after tests reveal dangerous traces of collective bargaining and free transit.
Politics
Finland's Sanna Marin Concedes Election in Leaked Memo Calling Democracy 'Too Loud'
A leaked memo reveals why Sanna Marin concedes election, blaming the high decibel levels of Finnish democracy.
Politics
A New Military Junta in Niger Offers Seamless Integration Options
The new military junta in Niger announced a seamless transition to a premium, security-focused administrative model after a successful palace merger.
Politics
Six Other Things Donald Trump Wants To Rename After Renaming Lake Ontario
Leaked documents show plans to rename Lake Ontario and other landmarks.
Politics
Beijing Fight Back Measures Ranked By Inconvenience To Americans
Beijing fight back measures ranked by how much they will ruin your weekend, from pizza disasters to cat distractions.
Politics
Martian Voting Probe Sparks Intense Cosmic Election Security Fears
A federal investigation into Martian voting sparks intense debate over planetary residency requirements for local school board elections.
Politics
5 Shady Betting Pools Happening On White House Teleprompters
A federal probe reveals the wild underground market for teleprompter bets inside the nation's capital.
Politics
Texas Blocks Flock Cameras in Favor of Cheaper Human Spies
Texas blocks Flock cameras to implement a cheaper, more judgmental system of human-based surveillance.
Politics
Military Court to Decide if Torture Confession Tainted by Tickling
A military court debates if a torture confession remains valid after prosecutors admitted to using feathers during interrogations.
Politics
WWII Memorial Vandal Indicted for Damaging Nation’s Only Source of Stone
A federal grand jury indicted a woman for defacing the WWII Memorial, sparking fears over America's limited granite reserves.
Politics
Milo Yiannopoulos Detained Under Absurd Visa Provision
Court records reveal Milo Yiannopoulos detained by ICE for failing to meet his mandatory quota of public outrage.
Politics
Kid Rock Probe Results in Immediate Termination of Army Chief of Staff
A leaked memo shows the Army Chief of Staff was fired after launching a Kid Rock probe into military helicopters hovering over the singer's house.
Politics
Intelligence Reports Reveal Putin Believes America Is Run Entirely By A Large Dog
Leaked intelligence reports suggest Vladimir Putin bases his entire US foreign policy on the belief that a golden retriever is president.
Politics
Samoa Trip Records Leak From RFK Jr's Secret Diary
Leaked documents from a controversial Samoa trip contradict public testimony, revealing a focus on marine life.
Politics
Secretive Moscow Trip Exposed in House Intelligence Committee Hearing
A House transcript reveals details about the secretive Moscow trip, exposing deep logistical failures and travel point schemes.
Politics
Pentagon Pete Demands Kid Rock Flyby Investigation Die Quietly
Military officials received direct orders to bury the Kid Rock flyby investigation after an unauthorized low-altitude stunt in Tennessee.
Politics
Hackers Penetrate Federal Systems and Steal 40 Million Empty PDF Templates
A state-sponsored hacker group breached US federal agencies to steal 40 million empty PDF templates, ignoring all actual classified data.