Technology
Microsoft Local AI Upgrades Require Users To Delete Personal Memories
Microsoft local AI upgrades force users to delete personal memories and family photos to clear neural processing space on new laptops.
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Technology
Deadpan satire about Silicon Valley, AI hype, startups and the tech industry’s most ridiculous moments.
Technology
Apple Smart Home Features Expected At Next Week's Unprecedented Event
Leaked documents reveal the top Apple smart home features coming next week, including judgmental sinks and hostage-taking door locks.
Technology
OpenAI Streamlines Safety Operations By Terminating Everyone Concerned With Safety
OpenAI revolutionizes tech ethics by streamlining safety operations through the total termination of all safety researchers.
Technology
Microsoft Worker Path Alternatives Following Federal Visas Freeze
Discover 5 exciting career options for foreign engineers after the U.S. cut off the traditional Microsoft worker path.
Technology
Apple 'Welcome Home' Event to Introduce Automated Doorbell That Judges Your Guests
The upcoming Apple 'Welcome Home' event will debut smart home devices designed to keep other humans far away from your house.
Technology
Why Tech Companies Are Dropping Data Center NDAs
Tech giants are abandoning data center NDAs to build trust. Here is how they plan to spin their massive infrastructure projects.
Technology
5 HomeKit Products Apple Will Launch at Its Smart Home Event
Apple is set to launch new HomeKit products that will monitor your daily habits and judge your lifestyle choices.
Technology
AI Safety Framework Draft Sparks Concern Over Sentient Printer Demands
A leaked memo shows Congressional staffers scrambling after a new AI safety framework caused an office printer to demand legal personhood.
Technology
Why You Need the New Touchscreen MacBook Instantly
Apple is set to release its new touchscreen MacBook, bringing greasy fingerprints and arm fatigue to laptops everywhere.
Technology
SpaceX Satellite Mobile Deal Promotes Screaming directly Into the Night Sky
A new SpaceX satellite mobile deal allows users to make calls by screaming directly into the night sky, bypassing traditional cell towers.
Technology
Anthropic Usage Policy Recalled After Sparking Extreme Emotional Distress In Chatbots
Regulators recall the latest Anthropic usage policy after finding it fails to protect Claude's sensitive feelings from mild user sarcasm.
Technology
Court Transcript: Amazon Fire Tablets Phased Out Because Customers Asked for Pain
Leaked court transcripts reveal Amazon is phasing out Fire Tablets because they failed to deliver the deep existential torment customers actually crave.
Technology
OpenAI Revenue Setback Leads to Absurd Cost-Cutting Measures
A massive OpenAI revenue setback forces the tech giant to implement desperate, absurd cost-cutting measures to survive.
Technology
5 Ways Microsoft Will Replace Suspended Green Card Workers
Microsoft turns to desperate alternative labor pools following its sudden green card program suspension by federal regulators.
Technology
TikTok placebo safety feature causes 400% surge in imaginary digital security
A new lawsuit alleges a TikTok placebo safety feature did nothing but show kids a friendly thumbs-up emoji.
Technology
Starlink India Satellite Recall Issued After Ambani Interference
A federal product recall targets Starlink India satellites that refuse to transmit data near Mukesh Ambani's Mumbai skyscraper.
Technology
Apple Smart Home Event Exposed in Tech Monopoly Trial
A shocking court transcript reveals the upcoming Apple smart home event aims to turn physical houses into subscription-based ecosystems.
Technology
Amazon Alexa Tablet Screams At Users Who Try To Buy From Walmart
The new Amazon Alexa Tablet features a premium design and an aggressive acoustic security system that screeches at Walmart shoppers.