TO: All Creative Staff
FROM: The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers
RE: New State Mandates to prepare Hollywood workers for AI
As California mandates that we prepare Hollywood workers for AI, we must act fast. We must ensure our human staff remains highly competitive. However, competitive now means incredibly cheap to maintain. Our data shows that carbon-based lifeforms require too much food. Therefore, we are launching our new 'Soil Integration' initiative next Monday.
Nutritional Pivot Strategies
We need you to transition away from traditional groceries. Soil contains rich minerals that can sustain basic human motor functions. This transition will help prepare Hollywood workers for AI systems that require zero lunch breaks. Please consult your new handbook, The Dirt Diet, now available on the company intranet.
"We want our creatives to feel empowered by this shift," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta, who consulted on the transition. "By replacing expensive salads with organic California topsoil, writers can finally match the low overhead of our servers." Many actors have already begun grazing in the Griffith Park area to build up their tolerance.
Upgraded Storage Lockers
We are also replacing your office chairs with ergonomic charging pods. You will not receive electricity. You will simply stand in them to conserve heat. Our goal is to prepare Hollywood workers for AI by removing all desires for a livable wage or housing. Please report any colleagues who still demand running water to human resources.
Sincerely,
Management
Dictated but not read. Sent from my superyacht off the coast of Amalfi where the chef is currently preparing a four-course truffle dinner. Please do not reply to this address as it is unmonitored.
