World
Louvre Replaces Art With Police Officers to Stop Protests
The Louvre replaces historic art with 70,000 police officers inside picture frames to protect the museum during protests.
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Music
Kacey Musgraves Tex Mex Album Features Entirely Translated Order From Whataburger Drive-Thru
Kacey Musgraves Tex Mex album features Spanish tracks and an emotional 12-minute rendition of a fast-food drive-thru order.
Business
Recall Issued For Dow Jones Industrial Average Following Severe Point Drops
Regulators issued a safety recall for the Dow Jones Industrial Average after severe point drops threatened consumer financial safety.
Music
Tate McRae Housewife Charting Success Triggers Historic Global PR Launch
Official press release celebrates the massive Tate McRae Housewife charting news as executives spout meaningless corporate buzzwords.
Technology
Mark Zuckerberg Requests Company Bake Sale to Pay Impending Billionaire Tax
Mark Zuckerberg asked Meta staff to host a campus bake sale to cover his upcoming billionaire tax bill.
Music
Urbano Stars Pivot to Mexican Music to Avoid Federal RICO Charges, Court Documents Reveal
Court transcripts reveal reggaeton stars adopt Mexican music to avoid federal conspiracy charges and hide royalties.
Politics
GOP Launches Campaign Ad Headache to Streamline Internal Feuds
The GOP unveiled its official campaign ad headache strategy to streamline internal party feuds into full-blown political migraines.
Music
U.S. Government Issues Fleetwood Mac Documentary Recall Over Severe Drama Hazard
Federal regulators issued an urgent Fleetwood Mac documentary recall due to extreme levels of lingering band drama that pose a safety hazard.
Politics
Federal Search Forces Rep. Ilhan Omar to Move Into These 5 Absurd Locations
Rep. Ilhan Omar considers absurd new housing options following a sudden federal search of her Washington home.
Music
Westside Gunn Announces New Album Heelmatic Featuring Pyramids And Camels
Westside Gunn announces new album Heelmatic with a wild music video shot entirely on a camel near the Great Pyramids.
Technology
Apple Unveils iPhone Duo In-Store Availability for Desperate Crowds
Apple announces iPhone Duo in-store availability guidelines, urging eager customers to camp out in the rain for a phone that folds.
Music
Amy Winehouse Tribute Concert Triggers London Fog of Pure Unfiltered Heartbreak
An all-star Amy Winehouse tribute concert in London created a localized microclimate of pure heartbreak, shattering local barometers.
Technology
7 Destructive Ways To Use WhatsApp Scheduled Messages
Meta unveiled WhatsApp scheduled messages, giving users the ultimate tool to wage psychological warfare on their closest friends.
Music
Product Recall: Hilary Duff Holiday Things EP Causes Uncontrolled Festive Tremors
Regulators issued a safety recall for the Hilary Duff Holiday Things EP due to severe risks of premature holiday chaos and involuntary gift wrapping.
Politics
Trump Rallies Iowa Corn to Shore Up Midterm Turnout
Donald Trump rallies Iowa corn stalks in an ambitious attempt to secure crucial Midwestern turnout for conservative candidates.
World
Netanyahu Guarantees Smooth Regime Change Using Simple 12-Step PowerPoint Presentation
Benjamin Netanyahu promises swift regime change using a 12-step PowerPoint deck.
Politics
Benjamin Netanyahu Takes Courtroom Stand To Detail DIY Regime Change Operation
Leaked court transcripts show Benjamin Netanyahu explaining his business model to topple Iranian regime leadership through third-party vendors.
Business
7 Insane Sacrifices Homebuyers Made Now That Mortgage Rates Dropped
Prospective buyers perform absurd trade-offs after mortgage rates dropped slightly this week.