Entertainment
Monarch Mail Express Welcomes Surprised Royals Into Our High-Priority Non-Working Category
Monarch Mail Express successfully surprised royals by delivering a certified letter confirming their status as non-working royals.
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Music
Ratboys Deluxe Album Recalled After PUP Cover Causes Structural Collapse
Regulators issued an emergency recall for the Ratboys deluxe album after a PUP cover caused structural damage to testing facilities.
Politics
German Political Parties Draft Memo to Ban Sadness Before State Elections
Leaked memo reveals German political parties plan to ban sadness to stop the rise of the far-right.
Music
Working Men's Club Devout Release Sparks Panic as Atticus Ross Mix Contains No Human Audio
The Working Men's Club Devout release features no actual human audio, opting instead for the sound of rusted metal pipes.
Politics
Smithsonian Reshaping Plan Replaces All Exhibits With Bronze Casts Of Mar-a-Lago Guests
The new Smithsonian reshaping initiative will replace historical artifacts with bronze statues of Florida resort guests.
Music
A New Day Signed to DAZE to Prevent Members From Doing Their Algebra Homework
A leaked memo reveals A New Day signed to DAZE solely to disrupt the teenage metalcore band's high school algebra homework schedule.
Music
Carrie Underwood Nu-Metal Covers Recalled by Federal Music Safety Commission
Regulators issue an urgent recall for Carrie Underwood nu-metal covers due to hazardous levels of slap bass and suburban rage.
Technology
Amazon and Qualcomm Strike AI Chip Deal of Biblical Proportions
Amazon and Qualcomm strike AI chip deal worth billions to automate human loneliness and predict sad purchases.
Music
Your Old Droog Album Recalled After Spreading Caviar Too Thinly
A federal recall has been issued for the Your Old Droog album Bread & Butter due to dangerously thin metaphorical spreads.
Politics
Israel's Intel Chiefs Missed Netanyahu Warnings Because They Muted His Slack
Israeli defense heads missed crucial intelligence because they muted Netanyahu warnings on Slack to escape annoying notification sounds.
Music
Animal Collective Will Play Feels In Full At First Shows In Four Years But Only Using Antique Wooden Spoons
Indie icons Animal Collective will play Feels in full at first shows in four years, but they are replacing all synthesizers with wooden spoons.
Music
Chainsmokers Show Injuries Rise As Duo Sets New Record For Crowd Trauma
A recent Chainsmokers show has sent dozens of fans to the hospital for the second time this month, sparking a public health warning.
Politics
The 2026 Midterm General Election: 5 Shocking Things To Watch
Get ready for the 2026 midterm general election with our list of the absurd trends, lawn sign wars, and political panic to watch.
Music
Sugar Ray’s ‘Fly’ Named Only Alternative Number Ones Track to Cause Temporal Distortion
A new study reveals Sugar Ray’s ‘Fly’ is the only chart-topper capable of bending the laws of physics and halting human aging.
Technology
Court Hearing Reveals Xiaomi 18 Fold May Fold Users Into Meatballs
A leaked court transcript reveals the Xiaomi 18 Fold might accidentally fold its users into compact, pocket-sized meatballs.
Technology
Suno Mary J. Blige Ad Sparks Massive Internal Panic
A leaked memo shows Suno pulled its Mary J. Blige ad after realizing they negotiated with a man named 'Gary J. Oblige.'
Politics
Germany's Leader Issued Strict Guidelines on Crying
Leaked memo reveals Germany's leader has banned crying in public offices following recent election setbacks to project strength.
Music
Power Pop Mastery Rules the Boardroom After Band’s Major PowerPoint Presentation
A local supergroup achieved power pop mastery by pitch-decking their new single to Wall Street venture capitalists.