Politics
Germany's Leader Issued Strict Guidelines on Crying
Leaked memo reveals Germany's leader has banned crying in public offices following recent election setbacks to project strength.
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Music
Power Pop Mastery Rules the Boardroom After Band’s Major PowerPoint Presentation
A local supergroup achieved power pop mastery by pitch-decking their new single to Wall Street venture capitalists.
Politics
New Hampshire Primaries To Be Decided By Compliment Battle
Leaked memo reveals New Hampshire primaries will replace voting booths with an extreme compliment battle to keep political tensions low.
Music
Ariana Grande Live Album Drops to Silence the Haters
Republic Records releases the Ariana Grande Live Album 'Petal' to maximize quarterly acoustic assets and brand synergy.
Business
Stoke Space Raises another billion to prove rocket science is a financial scam
Stoke Space raises another billion in court-documented testimony revealing the rocket industry is just a very loud fundraising scheme.
Music
JISOO Cinematic Characters Spark Chaos Across Five Distinct Realities
The new fashion campaign featuring JISOO cinematic characters has disrupted the space-time continuum.
Politics
Trump-a-palooza Organizers Insist Festival Features Other Acts
Organizers of Trump-a-palooza insist the political festival features a diverse lineup and is not just one man speaking for three days straight.
World
Pope Leo Pilgrim Visit Prep Memo Leaked Online
A leaked Vatican memo reveals strict rules for the Pope Leo pilgrim visit. Staff must pretend they do not recognize him.
Music
System of a Down Toxicity 25th Anniversary Merch Capsule to Include Actual Vial of Soil
Nu-metal legends launch the System of a Down Toxicity 25th Anniversary Merch Capsule featuring real soil and industrial runoff.
Music
Cudi Chicago Concert Memo Warns Staff to Ignore All Peter Rosenberg Tweets
Leaked Live Nation memo instructs staff to ignore Peter Rosenberg after Kid Cudi defends Kanye West at the Cudi Chicago concert.
Politics
Germany's Political Firewall Replaced With actual firewall to block far-right
Germany upgrades its political firewall to a literal ring of fire following recent far-right election gains.
Music
Oasis: Don’t Look Back In Anger Recalled Nationwide Due to Spontaneous Brotherly Violence
Regulators issue an urgent recall on Oasis: Don’t Look Back In Anger after the track causes thousands of spontaneous brotherly fistfights.
Music
Macklemore Leave Petition Entered as Evidence in Congressional Hearing
A court transcript reveals the real motive behind the Macklemore leave petition following his recent stadium performance.
Politics
Campaign Weekend Approaches Offer Stark Differences For Maine Candidates
Voters face a choice between labor rallies and a physical fortress of concern in the latest campaign weekend approaches.
Music
Jelly Roll Disinvited from Mar-a-Lago Gig After Serious Felony Deficit Discovered
Country star Jelly Roll disinvited from a Mar-a-Lago fundraiser after organizers discovered his criminal record lacked white-collar prestige.
Technology
Upcoming Apple Launch To Debut iPhone That Folds Into A Tiny, Perfect Mirror
The upcoming Apple launch will feature a foldable iPhone Ultra designed to function as a mirror for looking at your own panic.
Music
End of The Road Festival Recalls Three Indie Rock Bands Over Extreme Joy Hazard
Regulators issue an urgent product recall for Geese, Pulp, and CMAT after unsafe joy levels at the End of The Road festival.
Business
Fed Rate Hikes Admitted Under Oath In Secret Tribunal
A leaked court transcript reveals that upcoming Fed rate hikes are actually decided by a giant prize wheel in the basement.