Politics
Electoral Wipeout Threatens Entire Industry Of Paid Democracy Experts
A court transcript reveals top consultants facing an electoral wipeout tried to outlaw counting numbers to save their business model.
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Music
Corporate Memo Mandates Doja Cat Collaborations To Boost Smart Glass Sales
A leaked Meta memo reveals plans to use Doja Cat collaborations to trick music fans into wearing surveillance technology.
Technology
What To Expect From Apple's Pro And Tell Event
Here is what to expect from Apple's 'Pro and tell' event, including overpriced dongles and laptops that shame you.
Technology
Foldable iPhone Hearing Reveals Apple Designed Hinge To Snap On Purpose
Court testimony reveals Apple designed the new foldable iPhone to snap its own hinge and shatter its screen after 18 months of regular use.
Music
Recall Issued for Billy Corgan Interviews After Uncontrolled Kanye Comparisons
Regulators issued a recall for Billy Corgan interviews after tests revealed dangerous levels of Kanye West comparisons and anti-hipster rants.
World
Argentine Judge Rules Meme Coin Fraud Is Just How Money Works Now
An Argentine judge dropped the meme coin investigation after court testimony proved all money is just a collective hallucination.
Music
Panchiko Collaborators Prompt Federal Investigation Into Indie Crossovers
Court transcripts reveal the dark conspiracy behind the announced list of Panchiko collaborators on their new album.
Business
Wall Street Court Transcript Reveals Brokers panicking Over Stock Market Sell-Off
A court transcript reveals brokers panicking during a stock market sell-off, admitting their trading strategies rely on foam dartboards.
Technology
5 Essential DIY Repair Steps For The Broken iPhone Duo
Apple released official manuals for the broken iPhone Duo. Here are five steps to fix your cracked dual-screen phone at home.
Politics
Pre-Emptive Election Results Suffer Major Defect in Alaska Senate Race
Regulators issued a safety recall for pre-emptive election results in Alaska after discovering a defect that produces unwanted outcomes.
Music
Billboard Canada Awards Handed Out Two Years Early To Avoid Winter Traffic
Organizers rushed to hand out Billboard Canada awards two years early to beat an impending 2026 winter snowstorm in Toronto.
Technology
Recall Issued For iPhone Duo Screen Crack Snafu
A total recall notice warns consumers that the new iPhone Duo screen crack hazard renders foldable devices instantly broken upon opening.
Music
John Mayer Tom and Jerry Track Triggers Federal Copyright Investigation
Court documents reveal the new John Mayer Tom and Jerry single heavily borrowed sound effects from classic Hanna-Barbera cartoons.
Music
Chappell Roan Guests Stage Massive Pop Crossover in Los Angeles
Chappell Roan guests Caroline Polachek and PinkPantheress shattered local noise ordinances during a chaotic Los Angeles finale.
Technology
Leaked Samsung Memo Confirms Galaxy S27 Will Launch Next Week To Outrun Linear Time
A leaked Samsung memo reveals the Galaxy S27 release date was moved up to next week in a desperate bid to outrun linear time itself.
Music
Fontaines D.C. Chart Success Exposed as Irish Mafia Scheme in High Court
Courtroom testimony exposes the truth behind Fontaines D.C. chart success and music industry manipulation.
Technology
7 Reasons Apple Fans Are Fainting Over The iPhone Duo Release
Discover why tech lovers are losing their minds over the new iPhone Duo release in our deadpan breakdown of the $2,000 foldable phone.
Business
Warner Music Synch Department Merges Entire Staff Into Single Sentient AI Spreadsheet
The Warner Music synch department has merged into a single sentient AI spreadsheet to maximize corporate synergy.