Music
Eric Church 'On The Road' Tour Bus Sued for Violating Interstate Human Trafficking Laws
A federal court transcript reveals the dark, sleepless reality behind the Eric Church 'On The Road' touring machine.
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Technology
Leaked Apple Memo Details New iPhone Release Cadence
A leaked Apple memo details the new iPhone release cadence, forcing consumers into a state of permanent financial submission.
Music
Kings of Leon New Album Recorded Entirely While Yawning
The Kings of Leon new album 'O My Beloved' is a masterclass in extreme sleepiness, recorded entirely while the band members were yawning.
Business
Boeing Air Incursions Are Now Standard Safety Features
Boeing rebrands every terrifying air incursion as an exciting new safety feature designed to keep passengers awake.
Music
Jam City 2am Single Triggers Mandatory Curfew for Nightclubs
UK officials enforce a strict club curfew following the release of the sultry new single Jam City 2am.
Technology
Court Hearing Reveals Foldable iPhone Duo Is Just Two Regular iPhones Taped Together
Court testimony reveals that the foldable iPhone Duo is actually just two regular iPhones held together with space-gray duct tape.
Music
Rising Star Award Recalled After Regulatory Inspection Detects Critical Smugness Hazard
The Consumer Product Safety Commission issues a mandatory recall of the 2026 Rising Star Award due to dangerous levels of smugness.
Politics
Rhode Island Recalls Governor Dan McKee Following Severe Performance Defects
Regulators issued a recall for the Rhode Island Governor Dan McKee model after catastrophic primary defects left users with a complete loss of power.
Music
Billy Joel Brain Damage Revealed in Shocking Ticketmaster Monopoly Trial
A federal antitrust court revealed that performing live caused Billy Joel brain damage due to extreme stadium acoustics.
Politics
Trump Promises $5,000 Payout in Giant Cardboard Check If GOP Wins
Donald Trump promised a $5,000 payout if Republicans win the midterms, but officials warn the money will arrive on giant novelty checks.
Music
Weezer Live Rarities Debuted On Tour To Confuse Casual Fans
Weezer live rarities dominate the setlist of the band's new Gathering tour, leaving thousands of casual concertgoers completely baffled.
Politics
Trump Midterm $5,000 Promise Requires Massive Budget Reductions
Leaked memo reveals how federal agencies will fund the Trump midterm $5,000 promise through drastic, absurd budget cuts.
Music
Hayley Williams Cameo In Netflix Show Triggers Real-Life Goth Crisis
A surprise Hayley Williams cameo in Netflix's DANG! has sent shockwaves through the alternative music community.
Politics
Missouri Redistricting Chaos Reaches Outer Space
State officials proudly expand the Missouri redistricting chaos to include the Andromeda galaxy in a bold new map.
Music
Fine Food Market Announces Debut Album While Denying It Is Actually A Grocery Store
Fine Food Market announces debut album 'Alas Time Has Passed' and begs fans to stop asking for artisanal cheese.
Music
Billboard R&B Award Winner Kehlani Demands Trophy Be Made of Actual Macaroni and Cheese
Kehlani accepted the Billboard R&B Award but demanded the trophy be replaced with a warm tray of baked macaroni and cheese.
Technology
C2 Modem Recall Issued Following Spontaneous Telepathy Reports
Regulators issue an urgent recall for devices with the C2 modem after the wireless chip accidentally merges user minds into a terrifying hive mind.
Music
Cash Cobain Sample Sparks Global Shortage of Snap-Era Finger Muscles
A dangerous shortage of finger muscles hits fans trying to snap along to the new Cash Cobain track, 'Betcha Can't'.