Politics
President Trump Broke the Kennedy Center with Golden Air Horns
Court transcripts reveal how President Trump broke the Kennedy Center using industrial air horns during a classical symphony.
Tagged: Donald Trump (121)
Politics
White House Press Office Restores Press Freedom By Only Inviting Golden Retrievers
The White House expands press freedom by replacing human journalists with Golden Retrievers after barring several major news outlets.
Politics
Trump Declares AI Hoax to Be Very Intelligent
The administration embraces the AI hoax, launching a new initiative to fund computer programs that do absolutely nothing.
Politics
Roy Cohn Playbook Now Available As A Sleazy Masterclass Series
Learn to deny, delay, and sue with the new Roy Cohn playbook masterclass, the ultimate digital course for aspiring grifters.
Politics
Federal Reserve Chairman Disguises Himself As Giant Fern To Avoid Trump Ire
The Federal Reserve Chairman successfully avoided a public scolding by disguising himself as an office plant.
Politics
Trump Threatens To Rip Down Kennedy Center If He Does Not Get Best Seat For Lion King
Trump threatens to rip down Kennedy Center if he does not receive the absolute best seats for the touring production of The Lion King.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Bad Decision Interest Rate After Consumer Panic
Regulators recalled the bad decision interest rate after reports of immediate executive panic and high-volume press tantrums.
Politics
Trump Replaces Failed Mail Ballots Fight With Absurd New Election Rules
Donald Trump pivots to new tactics after his push to restrict mail ballots failed. Explore his campaign's strange new rules.
Politics
Energy Truce Appointed To Head Of Imagination At Trump Organization
The legendary energy truce joins the Trump Organization to lead the new division of imaginary milestones and vibes-based diplomacy.
Technology
Trump Appoints Nvidia CEO to Lead Federal AI Doom Committee
Trump has appointed Nvidia's CEO to lead the AI doom debate task force, resolving national security concerns over a very loud speakerphone call.
Politics
Mail Ballot Restrictions Blocked by Our Legal Team
Leaked internal memo reveals emergency contingency plans after the Supreme Court rejected mail ballot restrictions.
Politics
Feds Issue Recall Notice On $5,000 Trump Dividend Over High Explosion Risk
Regulators issue a safety recall for the $5,000 Trump dividend, warning the unfunded checks may spontaneously combust under basic math.
Politics
Iran War Ending Soon Internal Memo Leaks From Trump Campaign
Leaked memo reveals plans for the Iran war ending soon after midterms, syncing military action with ballot box results.
Politics
Trump Irish Visit Recalled Over Extreme Noise Vibrations
Regulators issue an urgent safety recall for the Trump Irish visit due to severe structural hazards and excessive noise vibrations.
Politics
Pentagon PR Chiefs Draft Special Script For Donald Trump 25th Anniversary Address
Leaked Pentagon memo reveals the extreme protocols designed for the Donald Trump 25th anniversary address to keep him on message.
Politics
How To Spend Your Obamacare Rebate Check In Style
Get ready to spend your Obamacare rebate with our official guide to the most absurd ways to blow your federal windfall.
Politics
$5,000 Payment Promise Triggers Immediate Corporate Restructuring
Leaked internal memo reveals House Democrats' strategy to fight the $5,000 payment promise by praising the spiritual benefits of poverty.
Politics
Trump Promises $5,000 Payout in Giant Cardboard Check If GOP Wins
Donald Trump promised a $5,000 payout if Republicans win the midterms, but officials warn the money will arrive on giant novelty checks.