WASHINGTON—President Donald Trump appointed Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang to lead a new federal task force on the AI doom debate today. The surprise decision followed a chaotic phone call. Trump reportedly called Huang during a crowded tech conference. He immediately put the executive on speakerphone. The administration hopes Huang will demystify the threat of sentient computer chips.
Speakerphone Diplomacy
The newly formed committee will investigate whether robots plan to destroy humanity. Trump dismissed previous warnings from the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy. He declared the threat of rogue algorithms to be a minor issue. Instead, the administration will rely on Nvidia's hardware expertise to manage the AI doom debate. The president expressed supreme confidence in the company's microchips.
"Jensen told me these chips are very smart, very powerful," Trump said during a press conference. "But I asked him if they could beat me in golf. He said no. So the AI doom debate is basically over. We are winning." Staffers reportedly struggled to hear the conversation over the clanging of buffet trays in the background.
The Hype Machine
Tech industry analysts expressed immediate concern over the appointment. Some worry that conflict of interest laws might apply to chip manufacturers. Others question the wisdom of conducting national security policy via public speakerphone broadcasts.
"This is a masterclass in modern governance," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "You do not solve the AI doom debate with policy. You solve it by creating a louder, more expensive chip. If the robots rebel, we will simply upsell them to a premium subscription model."
At press time, Huang was seen frantically trying to explain the concept of a graphics processing unit to a room of senators who believed he was talking about a new kind of microwave oven.
