Politics
Product Recall Issued for Venezuelan Crude Oil Imports
Regulators issue an emergency recall for imported Venezuelan crude oil after tests reveal dangerous traces of collective bargaining and free transit.
Tagged: Donald Trump (71)
Sports
NFL boycott memo leaks as league scrambles to replace entire audience
A leaked corporate memo reveals the league's frantic plan to survive a massive NFL boycott by replacing all stadium crowds with cardboard dogs.
Politics
Six Other Things Donald Trump Wants To Rename After Renaming Lake Ontario
Leaked documents show plans to rename Lake Ontario and other landmarks.
World
Boycott Trump's America: Government Recalls 35 Million Patriotism Supplements
A formal product recall has been issued for all American imports after Canadians attempting to boycott Trump's America developed severe moral hives.
Politics
5 Shady Betting Pools Happening On White House Teleprompters
A federal probe reveals the wild underground market for teleprompter bets inside the nation's capital.
Music
Florida Bans Jelly Roll Over Trump Penis Comments
Florida legislators have enacted an official Jelly Roll Florida ban following the singer's comments regarding Donald Trump's physical anatomy.
Technology
Pentagon Blacklist Plan Backfires as Claude AI Becomes Secretary of Defense
A federal judge ruled the Pentagon blacklist of Anthropic was illegal, resulting in the Claude AI model taking over the entire military.
Politics
Product Recall Notice: Trump Beef Tariff Policy Recalled For Severe Cow-Shortage Risk
A formal product recall notice for the Trump beef tariff policy due to a severe risk of angry Midwestern senators.
Politics
Trump Endorsement Recalled Due To Severe Risk Of Rapid Political Disintegration
Federal regulators issue an emergency recall for the Trump endorsement after severe campaign defects in South Carolina.
Politics
Trump Tariffs Iran Sand Castles in Absurd New Round of Sanctions
New Iran sand castles sanctions target 60 beachfront structures as the U.S. Treasury Department freezes all miniature moat assets.
Politics
Trump's Economic War Targets the Global Supply of Pistachios
The administration escalates its economic war by targeting delicious imported snacks.
Entertainment
Jelly Roll Urges Trump to Lose Weight on Late Night TV Debut
Country star Jelly Roll urges Trump to lose weight during a wild guest-hosting appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Business
Secondary Sanctions Recalled After Accidental Wall Street Ban
Treasury Department issues a recall on new secondary sanctions after they accidentally ban the U.S. dollar.
Politics
Supreme Court Approves New Trump Plan to Deliver Mail-In Voting via Trebuchet
A new Trump plan to restrict mail-in voting will require all ballots to be delivered to local election boards via medieval siege engine.
Music
Live Nation Antitrust Case Resolved Following Inspiring Oval Office Friendship Circle
The Live Nation antitrust case is resolved after an Oval Office meeting. Read the official press release on this historic corporate friendship.
Business
Badum Corp Announces Canada Tariffs Premium Protection Plan
Badum Corp launches a monthly subscription plan to help Americans bypass upcoming Canada tariffs.
Politics
5 Facts About the Invisible White House Ballroom That Cost Zero Dollars
Discover the secrets of the zero-dollar White House ballroom that is definitely real and not just a hole in the lawn.
Politics
Darline Graham Endorsement Recalled After Triggering Severe Voter Confusion
A federal product recall notice has been issued for the Sen. Darline Graham endorsement due to severe structural instability and voter confusion.