Politics
5 Ways Trump Aims to Reduce the Cost of Fuel Before Midterms
Trump plans to reduce the cost of fuel before the midterms using TikTok dancers, foot-powered SUVs, and rebranded gas station signs.
Tagged: Donald Trump (121)
Politics
GOP Candidates Recalled From Swing States Due To Critical Alignment Fault
A federal safety recall has been issued for GOP candidates in swing states after a critical alignment fault caused them to split from their branding.
Politics
Texas Rally Rocked by Protesters Demanding Louder Microphones
A Texas rally rocked by protests faced unexpected disruption when activists demanded better sound engineering for their chants.
Music
Phil Collins Fat People Song Revealed in Court Deposition
A court transcript reveals details about the Phil Collins fat people song, a controversial unreleased track aimed at American culture.
Politics
Red Dye Diesel Recalled After Turning Nation’s Minivans Into Megatrons
The EPA has issued an urgent recall for red dye diesel after the fuel caused commuter minivans to transform into hostile, sentient machines.
Politics
Trump Launches Super Intelligence Force to Defeat Low IQ Code
Trump launches the Super Intelligence Force to replace weak computer code with the smartest, most beautiful algorithms in the world.
Politics
Lukoil Asset Deal Simplifies Foreign Policy Into Liquid Crude
A new Lukoil asset deal successfully converts complex geopolitical tension into a simple, high-yield energy portfolio.
Politics
Judge Blocks Big Bend Border Wall Until Coyotes Pay For It
A federal judge has halted the Big Bend border wall until local desert wildlife can establish proper credit to pay for the construction.
Politics
Trump Launches Midterms Campaign Blitz Inside Empty Kansas Grain Silo
Donald Trump kicks off his midterms campaign blitz in a completely empty grain silo to guarantee a highly agreeable audience.
Politics
Campaign Stops That Are Even Deeper In Choctaw Nation Than Trump’s Rally
Donald Trump's Choctaw Nation rally is just the start. Check out these even more absurdly remote campaign stops planned for Oklahoma.
Politics
GOP Candidates Recalled Over Defective Base Turnout Systems
Federal regulators issue an emergency recall on several GOP candidates whose base turnout systems fail to properly deploy Donald Trump.
Politics
Trump-Xi State Visit Paused As Leaders Get Stuck In Giant Panda Suit
The Trump-Xi state visit ground to a halt after the two world leaders became trapped inside a giant panda costume.
Politics
White House Menu leaked for Trump's state dinner with Xi Jinping
Leaked memo reveals the official state dinner menu features a curated tower of fast food nuggets to impress foreign diplomats.
Politics
Trump’s White House Starts Bending in Senate Inquiry
A new court transcript reveals that Trump’s White House starts bending under pressure, with staff physically warping to avoid legal accountability.
Politics
Airport Welcome Protocol Recalled Due To Choking Hazard During Xi Jinping Visit
Regulators recall the airport welcome protocol due to safety hazards during the Xi Jinping summit.
Politics
White House Press Ban Replaces Reporters With Cardboard Cutouts
The administration launches a total White House press ban, replacing all human journalists with silent, smiling cardboard cutouts.
Politics
Trump Approval Rating Plummet Linked To New National Currency of Shrugged Shoulders
A historic Trump approval rating drop has forced the government to adopt a new national currency based entirely on shrugs.
Politics
Trump Appoints Sentient Toaster To Lead New AI Force
The Trump administration launched its AI Force, appointing a sentient toaster as czar to bypass all safety regulations.