Politics
Military Brass Cuts Memo Reveals Plan To Replace Generals With Drones
A leaked memo outlines plans for military brass cuts, replacing 20% of generals with retail-grade quadcopters.
Section
Politics
Fictional political satire inspired by real headlines. All quotes and events are entirely made up.
Politics
GOP Candidates Recalled Over Defective Base Turnout Systems
Federal regulators issue an emergency recall on several GOP candidates whose base turnout systems fail to properly deploy Donald Trump.
Politics
Election Crime Charges Boost Minnesota Tourism to Historic Highs
New tourism campaigns leverage recent election crime charges to lure luxury travelers to the Midwest.
Politics
Senate GOP Data Centers Bill Recalled Due To Sudden Choking Hazard
Regulators issued an urgent recall on the Senate GOP data centers bill after finding the legislative package poses a severe choking hazard.
Politics
Congressional Gaffe Recall Issued After Failed Jack Smith Gotcha
Regulators issue a recall for the failed Jack Smith gotcha following a catastrophic sports analogy mix-up in the Senate.
Politics
Product Recall Issued for Andy Burnham Voting System
Regulators issue an urgent product recall for the proposed Andy Burnham voting system due to severe risks of voter drowsiness.
Politics
Court Transcript Reveals Third Country Deportations Run Entirely By Craigslist Gig Workers
A leaked court transcript shows third country deportations rely entirely on Craigslist gig workers driving 2004 Honda Civics.
Politics
US Military Forgets Where It Parked 400 Helicopters During Iraq Withdrawal
The historic Iraq withdrawal hit a minor roadblock as the Pentagon admitted it lost track of several hundred tactical helicopters.
Politics
Abu Dhabi Protocol Memo Outlines Elaborate Cover Story For Netanyahu Visit
A leaked internal memo from Abu Dhabi reveals the absurd protocols used to hide the highly sensitive Netanyahu visit from the public eye.
Politics
Iran War Support Hits New Historic Low Among Vulnerable House Plants
GOP strategists panic as Iran war support plummets to historic lows among office plants and domestic foliage.
Politics
Finland Election results blame Marin loss on nation's chronic lack of drama
Analyzing the Finland election results reveals voters rejected stability for pure chaos.
Politics
Trump-Xi State Visit Paused As Leaders Get Stuck In Giant Panda Suit
The Trump-Xi state visit ground to a halt after the two world leaders became trapped inside a giant panda costume.
Politics
Supreme Court Rejects Missouri’s Origami-Inspired Voting Map
The Supreme Court blocked Missouri’s new voting map, rejecting a highly complex design shaped like a delicate paper crane.
Politics
White House Menu leaked for Trump's state dinner with Xi Jinping
Leaked memo reveals the official state dinner menu features a curated tower of fast food nuggets to impress foreign diplomats.
Politics
Trump’s White House Starts Bending in Senate Inquiry
A new court transcript reveals that Trump’s White House starts bending under pressure, with staff physically warping to avoid legal accountability.
Politics
Pentagon Debuts New Annihilation Threat Format to Streamline Global Escalation
The Pentagon debuts its new annihilation threat system, streamlining how the military delivers promises of total destruction to foreign adversaries.
Politics
Airport Welcome Protocol Recalled Due To Choking Hazard During Xi Jinping Visit
Regulators recall the airport welcome protocol due to safety hazards during the Xi Jinping summit.
Politics
Germany Recalls Friedrich Merz After Massive Structural Defect
A urgent Friedrich Merz recall has been issued in Germany after regulators discovered a severe structural defect causing him to slide in polls.