Politics
Military Censorship Hearing Reveals Pentagon Only Approves Word Searches
A tense congressional hearing reveals the Pentagon's extreme military censorship methods, including replacing news with word searches.
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Politics
Fictional political satire inspired by real headlines. All quotes and events are entirely made up.
Politics
Why Republican Politicians Turned Against Data Centers
Republican politicians turned against data centers this week. Here is why lawmakers suddenly declared war on server farms.
Politics
5 Facts About the Invisible White House Ballroom That Cost Zero Dollars
Discover the secrets of the zero-dollar White House ballroom that is definitely real and not just a hole in the lawn.
Politics
Finland Election Concession Sparked By Over-Optimization, Group Reports
A corporate press release explains how the Finland election concession was actually a highly optimized synergy event.
Politics
Beijing promises to fight back with extremely passive-aggressive sticky notes
Beijing promises to fight back against the Taiwan President's US visit using a highly calculated campaign of neon sticky notes.
Politics
Darline Graham Endorsement Recalled After Triggering Severe Voter Confusion
A federal product recall notice has been issued for the Sen. Darline Graham endorsement due to severe structural instability and voter confusion.
Politics
Finland Election Loss Decided By PM's Unacceptable Silence On Moderate Bass
The devastating Finland election loss proves that voters demand immediate silence and a total ban on low-frequency subwoofers.
Politics
Finland PM’s Defeat Blamed on Voters’ Secret Love for Accordion
Finland PM’s defeat linked to surprising cultural factor: the nation’s unshakeable devotion to the accordion. Voters preferred folk polkas over synth-pop.
Politics
Count Binface Ascendant: UK Voters Demand Zero-Gravity Policy
Count Binface, the intergalactic warrior, is upending the UK election. His cosmic policies and bin-headed charm have voters abandoning terrestrial politicians.
Politics
Chief Justice Roberts Overturns Humphrey’s Executor, Finally Gets Parking Spot
Chief Justice John Roberts saw his decades-long dream realized, effectively overturning Humphrey’s Executor. His life’s work is now complete.
Politics
Micah Lasher Wins Manhattan Primary, Proves Nepotism Is Still Great
Micah Lasher secured a narrow victory in the Manhattan primary. His win proves that political connections are still the ultimate qualification.
Politics
US and Iran Agree to Roadmap for Final Deal Amidst Starmer Resignation
US and Iran finalize roadmap for a deal while Keir Starmer resigns, leaving analysts perplexed. Details scarce on U.S. and Iran talks.
Politics
Trump-Backed Populist Wins Colombia Vote, Immediately Asks For Border Wall
Trump-backed populist wins Colombia vote, vows to build a border wall. Protests erupt as nation faces uncertain future.
Politics
Meloni Tells Trump to ‘Go Play in Traffic,’ Unleashes G7 Fury
Italian PM Giorgia Meloni unleashed a G7 tirade against Donald Trump, suggesting he ‘take up competitive pigeon racing’ instead of international diplomacy.
Politics
Finland’s PM Sanna Marin Lost Because She Didn’t Listen To Voters’ Complains About Her Playlist
Finland’s PM Sanna Marin lost because voters were tired of her loud techno music. They wanted quiet and naps, not bass drops.
Politics
Sevastopol Fuel Shortage Solved by Pedal Power Mandate
A critical Sevastopol fuel shortage has prompted officials to mandate ‘Pedal Power’ for all transport, citing an ‘abundance of human legs’ to solve the crisis.
Politics
DOJ Unveils ‘Weaponization Payouts’ of Emotional Support Squirrels, Autographed Apologies
Justice Department pivots to bizarre ‘weaponization payouts’ after cash fund fails, offering emotional support squirrels and autographed apologies.
Politics
Finland PM Sanna Marin Lost Election Over Controversial Sock Choice
Finland’s Prime Minister Sanna Marin lost the election. Voters were reportedly upset by her controversial sock choices.