World
5 True-Size Maps That Will Completely Change Your Worldview
The UN voted for a new world map. Here are 5 ways the true size of continents will melt your brain.
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World
Everything else that did not happen, reported with a straight face.
World
Russian Drone Enters Air War to File Noise Complaint Against Ukraine Security HQ
A Russian drone has escalated the air war by filing a formal noise complaint against Ukraine's security service HQ.
World
5 Absurd Symbolic Cremation Alternatives for Your Lost Belongings
Locals turn to symbolic cremation for their waterlogged belongings after devastating monsoon floods.
World
Falklands Oil Dispute Explodes as Secret Drilling Map Revealed in Court
A leaked court transcript reveals the bizarre strategy behind the Falklands oil dispute, including penguin disguises and steakhouse placemats.
World
Israel Recalls Prisoner Exchange Program Due To Faulty Trade Value Ratios
Israel issues a product recall for its prisoner exchange program after regulators find severe trade value calculation errors.
World
5 Signs the USS Abraham Lincoln Needs a Paint Job
Is the USS Abraham Lincoln rusting away? Here are 5 signs the aircraft carrier desperately needs a fresh coat of paint.
World
Xi Visits Egypt To Personally Sand Down Every Single Pyramid
During his visit, Xi visits Egypt to sand down the Pyramids for a smoother, modern aesthetic.
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Thai Resort Survival Guide For USS Abraham Lincoln Crew
Military brass issued a strict Thai resort survival guide to help the USS Abraham Lincoln crew transition from 270 days at sea to Pattaya nightlife.
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Pentagon Explains Rules of Military Tag Following the Biggest Exchange Since July
The Pentagon clarifies the official rules of military tag after the biggest exchange since July between the US and Iran.
World
5 Iranian Naval Mine Prototypes the Pentagon Secretly Feared
Leaked documents reveal the bizarre Iranian naval mine designs keeping the Pentagon awake at night.
World
Norway Royal Succession Decided by Extremely Long Game of Duck Duck Goose
The Norway royal succession resolved itself yesterday after a grueling nine-hour round of Duck Duck Goose on the palace lawn.
World
Strait of Hormuz Traffic Drops as US Replaces Ocean with Concrete
Strait of Hormuz traffic plunges to zero after the Pentagon decides to pave the entire shipping lane with quick-drying concrete.
World
Boycott Trump's America: Government Recalls 35 Million Patriotism Supplements
A formal product recall has been issued for all American imports after Canadians attempting to boycott Trump's America developed severe moral hives.
World
Finland Election Loss Solved by New Silent Campaign Strategy
A revolutionary silent campaign strategy explains the shocking Finland election loss as voters choose total isolation.
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Norway King Haakon VIII Prepares for 5 Royal Succession Pitfalls
Norway King Haakon VIII faces several absurd challenges as he ascends the throne, from Ikea assembly to angry royal penguins.
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1948 Gun-Running Ship Recalled Due To Choking Hazard
Regulators recall the 1948 gun-running ship Altalena found underwater, warning that the sunken vessel poses a choking hazard for deep-sea diving toddlers.
World
Canada Tariffs On American Maple Syrup Set To Ignite Sticky Trade War
Ottawa retaliates with 400% duty on high-fructose corn syrup and cheap acoustic guitars
World
U.K. Power Plants Face Cyber Threats From Uniquely Polite Iranian Hackers
U.K. power plants face cyber threats from incredibly polite hackers who apologized for interrupting afternoon tea.