World
Paragon Ignores Italian Spyware Probe, Cites ‘Very Busy Being A Spyware Company’
Paragon, a spyware maker, is reportedly not cooperating with Italian authorities probing spyware attacks, citing being ‘too busy’.
Section
World
Everything else that did not happen, reported with a straight face.
World
Finland’s PM Lost Because Voters Hated Her Dance Moves
Finland’s PM Sanna Marin lost election due to controversial dance moves. Voters preferred stoicism over spirited routines.
World
Rosalía’s Neck Brace Performance Elevates ‘Euphoria’ To New Heights
Rosalía’s acting debut on Euphoria features her in a bedazzled neck brace. She calls acting less painful than touring.
World
Pope Leo Criticises Equatorial Guinea Prisons for Lacking ‘Motivational Posters’
Pope Leo XIV criticised Equatorial Guinea prisons for their ‘uninspiring decor’ and ‘general lack of spiritual upliftment,’ offering aesthetic solutions.
World
Late Night Laughs Ensue Over Trump’s Jesus ‘Joke’
Late night hosts mined humor from Donald Trump’s Jesus ‘joke’ meme. Explanations only fueled the comedic fire, leaving many baffled.
World
Laufey Everywhere As Jazz-Pop Star Infiltrates Global Commerce
Laufey’s brand expands into a Lexus, Erewhon smoothie, and Fortnite skin. The jazz-pop star is everywhere.
World
China’s Falcon 9 Fails; Artemis Needs Rapid Heavy Lift
China’s rocket failure highlights NASA’s need for rapid heavy lift. The space race heats up.
World
Anne Hathaway’s ‘Mother Mary’ Role Fueled by Taylor Swift’s ‘Reputation’ Tour
Anne Hathaway’s role in ‘Mother Mary’ was inspired by Taylor Swift’s ‘Reputation’ tour, director claims. The film explores fame and isolation.
World
Kanye West Offers To Meet U.K. Jewish Community With ‘Peace Through My Music’
Kanye West wants to meet the UK’s Jewish community with ‘peace through music’ amid festival backlash.
World
Pope Leo’s Holy Thursday Ritual Signals Return to Pre-Francis Era
Pope Leo XIV’s Holy Thursday ritual marks a return to pre-Francis era practices, including more traditional towel usage during foot washing.
World
Taylor Swift’s Epic L.A. Weekend: A Symphony of Seven iHeart Wins and McCartney’s Whisper
Taylor Swift wins 7 iHeart awards during an epic L.A. weekend. Paul McCartney plays a tiny show, adding to the star-studded chaos.
World
Nation Reels After Mammoth KitKat Heist Leaves Empty Truck, Full Hearts
ZURICH—A shocking KitKat Heist has sent ripples through the confectionery world as 12 tons of chocolate bars disappeared. Authorities are perplexed by the lack of crumbs.
World
German TV Star’s Deepfake Porn Scandal Sparks National Identity Crisis
German TV star’s deepfake porn scandal rocks nation, sparking identity crisis and a desperate search for authentic bratwurst.
World
Waymo Robotaxi Ridership Skyrockets, Prompting Driver Union Panic
Waymo’s skyrocketing ridership in one chart sparks panic. Robotaxis now outnumbering human drivers. Union fears job losses and seeks answers.
World
Soap Opera-TikTok Hybrids Now Billion-Dollar Business
Soap opera-TikTok hybrids are a billion-dollar business. Users are hooked on rapid-fire, dramatic plots and cliffhangers. The genre’s addictive nature fuels its success.
World
TSA ICE Tips Led To Arrests, Agency Claims ‘Total Success’
TSA ICE tips at SFO deemed a ‘resounding success’ by Homeland Security. Agents now flag travelers for mismatched socks or unpeeled bananas for ‘holistic security’.
World
California Students Grapple With Cesar Chavez’s Fall From Grace
California schools face a reckoning as educators revise lesson plans on Cesar Chavez following abuse allegations. The fall of a hero sparks difficult conversations.
World
Texas Natural Gas Prices Go Negative, Producers Light It Up
Texas natural gas prices hit negative territory. Producers burn off excess fuel as pipelines overflow, baffling onlookers.