World
Ukraine Fires Over 1,000 Drones Carrying Passive-Aggressive Notes
Ukraine fires over 1,000 drones carrying millions of tiny, highly laminated passive-aggressive notes into Russian territory.
Section
World
Everything else that did not happen, reported with a straight face.
World
Finland's PM Lose due to national eye contact crisis
Voters explain why they made Finland's PM lose after a controversial campaign that tried to mandate public eye contact.
World
Poland Warns Russia May Launch Accidental Attack on Allies via Giant Loose Cannon
Poland warns of a highly literal accidental attack as a giant Russian loose cannon rolls toward Western Europe.
World
Saudi Air Strikes Defended by Global Logistics Chief in Viral Court Transcript
A leaked court transcript reveals the bizarre logistical defense of Saudi air strikes to protect global novelty toy shipping lanes.
World
Mideast Diplomatic Talks Recalled Due To Severe Logistics Malfunction
Regulators issue an urgent product recall notice for mideast diplomatic talks after a severe logistics failure in the Gulf region.
World
Train Tracking Service Offers VIP 'Guaranteed Near-Miss' Routes For Ex-Politicians
A new train tracking service offers former politicians high-risk 'Guaranteed Near-Miss' routes to help boost their memoirs.
World
Saudi Arabia Conflict Options Include These 5 Desperate Ideas
Discover the absurd Saudi Arabia conflict options being considered as traditional geopolitical strategies fail.
World
Saudi Oil Pipeline Closure Solved by Giant Cork
The Saudi oil pipeline closure is resolved after engineers plug the leak with a giant cork, saving global energy markets.
World
Yemen Coast Recall Issued After Unexpected Territorial Changes
Regulators issue an urgent Yemen coast recall for 200 miles of the Red Sea shoreline due to sudden, hazardous structural shifts.
World
Finland Election Defeat Blamed On PM Wearing Normal Socks
A groundbreaking post-mortem reveals the Finland election defeat resulted entirely from a tragic wardrobe choice involving standard cotton socks.
World
Hawaii Tourism Board Admits They Invented Hurricane Lowell to Get a Break
A leaked Hawaii court transcript reveals tourism officials invented Hurricane Lowell just to get tourists to leave them alone for one weekend.
World
Juror Press Release Declares Verdict Was a Synergy-Rich Emotional Rollercoaster
A PR firm representing the jury says their mistrial created a synergy-rich emotional rollercoaster.
World
Norway Funeral Dignitaries Accidentally Pledge Fealty To Crown Prince Haakon’s Unhinged Golden Retriever
Dignitaries at the Norway funeral for King Harald V accidentally pledged military fealty to a golden retriever after a protocol mix-up.
World
Pope Leo Pilgrim Visit Prep Memo Leaked Online
A leaked Vatican memo reveals strict rules for the Pope Leo pilgrim visit. Staff must pretend they do not recognize him.
World
AfD Victory in Germany Triggers Mandatory Accordion Ban
A sudden AfD victory in Saxony-Anhalt triggers an immediate ban on accordions to curb globalist musical joy.
World
Strait of Hormuz Conflict Settled via Aggressive Laser Tag Tournament
The Strait of Hormuz dispute gets resolved through an intense, high-stakes laser tag match in a foggy neon arena.
World
How to Survive the Hawaiian Islands Life-Threatening Surf
Emergency officials offer highly practical tips as Hurricane Lowell threatens the Hawaiian islands with life-threatening surf.
World
Beijing Promised to Fight Back But Got Distracted by a Really Big Laser Pointer
When Beijing promised to fight back against foreign diplomats, they did not anticipate the strategic threat of a giant red laser pointer.