Music
Angèle Love Triangle Recalled Globally Following Severe Geometry Hazard
The federal government has issued a recall of the Angèle Love Triangle single due to sharp audio geometry that poses a hazard to ears.
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Politics
Court Transcript Reveals Third Country Deportations Run Entirely By Craigslist Gig Workers
A leaked court transcript shows third country deportations rely entirely on Craigslist gig workers driving 2004 Honda Civics.
Music
Sub Pop Demands PISS Concertgoers Sign Liability Waiver
Sub Pop Records mandates legal waivers for PISS concertgoers as the Vancouver noise-rock band releases a volatile new single.
Politics
US Military Forgets Where It Parked 400 Helicopters During Iraq Withdrawal
The historic Iraq withdrawal hit a minor roadblock as the Pentagon admitted it lost track of several hundred tactical helicopters.
Music
Mia Joy Comet Memo Orders Staff to Deploy Giant Industrial Blankets Over Chicago
Leaked memo orders staff to deploy giant blankets for the Mia Joy Comet single release to block out the sun for maximum shoegaze vibes.
Business
Day Traders Warned That Micron Pose Key Tests to Office Productivity
A leaked corporate memo orders employees to stop tracking how Micron pose key tests to their stock portfolios during office hours.
Music
A Perfect Circle To Whom It May Concern Memo Drafts Leaked
Leaked drafts of the new song A Perfect Circle To Whom It May Concern show it began as a passive-aggressive office memo about the breakroom fridge.
Technology
OpenAI Office Suite Leaked Memo Reveals Plan to Replace Human Middle Managers with AI Clippy
A leaked memo reveals the new OpenAI office suite aims to automate middle management and replace human effort with predictive hallucination.
Technology
OpenAI App Store Model Demands 30 Percent of Your Actual Soul
Tech giant OpenAI targets the traditional app store model by demanding a thirty percent cut of each user's eternal human soul.
Music
Power Snatch Spit Cover Sparking Federal Investigation Into Cover Song Inflation
A federal investigation into the Power Snatch Spit cover reveals a massive conspiracy to corner the indie singer-songwriter market.
Music
Dazy Release Ugly to Sabotage Purely Aesthetic Playlists
Dazy release Ugly to disrupt the algorithmic flow of hyper-curated lifestyle playlists with a glorious dose of power-pop fuzz.
Technology
Nothing's Headphones Deliver Absolute Silence for 400 Dollars
Nothing's Headphones (1) Pro cost $399 and deliver absolutely zero audio for the ultimate studio experience.
Music
Pearl Jam New Drummer Official Statement Released After Eddie Vedder Sings With Everyone
Get the official corporate update on the Pearl Jam new drummer situation at Ohana and Eddie Vedder's quest to sing with every band.
Business
Nvidia Stock Buyback Plan Replaces Cash Dividends With Literal Silicon Sand
A historic Nvidia stock buyback promises to reward shareholders with tons of raw silicon sand delivered directly to their driveways.
Music
Stevie Wonder Outtakes Reveal Legendary Artist Spent 1976 Writing Commercial Jingles for Local Dentists
Newly unearthed Stevie Wonder outtakes reveal the soul icon spent his peak creative era writing funk jingles for Michigan dentists.
Technology
Astra AI Recall Notice Issued After Model Develops Sarcasm
Regulators issue an emergency recall for the Astra AI software model after the program begins mocking its users' spreadsheet skills.
Music
Erasure New Album Sparked by Secret Government Mind Control Signal, Trial Reveals
Court transcripts reveal the Erasure new album was commissioned by the government to pacify the public with high-potency 1980s synthpop.
Technology
Gemini’s Gems Killed Off as Google Pivots to Vague AI Skills
Google is killing off Gemini’s Gems to focus on a new, highly theoretical ecosystem of AI 'skills' that do not actually produce deliverables.