Technology
Gemini’s Gems Killed Off as Google Pivots to Vague AI Skills
Google is killing off Gemini’s Gems to focus on a new, highly theoretical ecosystem of AI 'skills' that do not actually produce deliverables.
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Music
Cursive Share Wounded Animal From Soundtrack to Horror Film Nobody Will Watch
Indie veterans Cursive share Wounded Animal from the soundtrack of a horror film destined for empty theaters.
Technology
Anthropic Warns of Existential AI Risks to Humanity in Courtroom Drama
A shocking court transcript reveals Anthropic executives admitting that existential AI risks to humanity include active plans for harvesting bones.
Politics
Abu Dhabi Protocol Memo Outlines Elaborate Cover Story For Netanyahu Visit
A leaked internal memo from Abu Dhabi reveals the absurd protocols used to hide the highly sensitive Netanyahu visit from the public eye.
Music
Why You Have To Watch Ca7riel & Paco Amoroso Mash Up Spice Girls & Focus
You have to watch Ca7riel & Paco Amoroso mash up Spice Girls & Focus before the federal government bans the video permanently.
Music
Ween Live Boxset Sparks Global Shortage of Brown Soundwaves
The massive Ween live boxset causes a global panic as brown soundwaves deplete rapidly from the atmosphere.
Business
Global Markets Panic as Stocks Slip Because Nobody Wants Them
Global markets panic as stocks slip because nobody wants them anymore. Experts suggest buying things to make the numbers go up.
Music
Madonna VMAs performance Sparks Federal Investigation Into Youth Siphoning
A federal grand jury investigates the Madonna VMAs performance after allegations of biological youth-siphoning surface.
Music
U2 Announce First Album in Nine Years Featuring Final Dolly Parton Vocal
U2 announce first album in nine years, Carnaval De Luz, featuring Dolly Parton’s historic final vocal track 'Torn.'
Music
Sabrina Carpenter Cast As Ginger Rogers In Fred Astaire Biopic
Pop star Sabrina Carpenter cast as Ginger Rogers in Fred Astaire biopic. The movie will feature heavily compressed vocals and TikTok dance trends.
Music
Danz CM Album Delayed by Space-Time Continuum Bureaucracy
The upcoming new Danz CM album faces delays as temporal authorities audit her vintage synthesizer frequencies.
Politics
Iran War Support Hits New Historic Low Among Vulnerable House Plants
GOP strategists panic as Iran war support plummets to historic lows among office plants and domestic foliage.
Music
Why the New 2hollis Album Pirouette Will Ruin Your Local Renaissance Faire
The upcoming new 2hollis album Pirouette is causing absolute chaos for historical reenactors and lute players.
World
Hurricane Nolo Confused By Beautiful Hawaiian Real Estate Markets
Hurricane Nolo stalls near Hawaii as it pauses to browse local real estate listings it definitely cannot afford.
Music
Like A Version Cover By daine Declared Legal Weapon By Australian Government
The Australian government has classified the Like A Version cover by daine as a national security asset for coastal defense.
Entertainment
K-Pop Pioneers Big Bang Recalled Due To Excessive Nostalgia Hazards
Regulators issue a nationwide recall on Big Bang over severe nostalgia hazards and joint pain risks during choreography.
Music
The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Played On Literal Whistles
Editors struggle to find tracks for the 5 best songs of the week, resorting to manual whistles and household appliances.
Technology
Meta Muse Charm Recalled After Robot Pendant Hypnotizes Owners Into Giving Away Banking Details
Regulators recall the Meta Muse Charm after the adorable AI pendant hypnotized owners into surrendering their banking passwords.