Dennis Locorriere Passes, Eyepatch Futures Volatile
Dennis Locorriere, Dr. Hook singer, has passed. His death sparks market volatility for eye patches and renewed…
Drake’s BTS Shoutout Prompts Existential Crisis in K-Pop Idols
V and J-Hope entered a catatonic state after Drake's BTS shoutout on "Make Them Cry," questioning their entire…
Greg Brockman Takes Helm of OpenAI Product Strategy, Vows to ‘Make AI More AI’
OpenAI co-founder Greg Brockman takes over OpenAI product strategy, aiming to unify all AI functions into one…
Marin Concedes Election After Running Out Of Popular Songs To DJ
Marin Concedes Election after admitting her DJ setlist was exhausted. Finnish PM cites dwindling supply of…
China Buys All US Agricultural Products, Farmers Panic
China will buy all available US agricultural products, leaving Americans with an unexpected diet of kale and…
Thomas Massie Unfazed by Cassidy Loss, Offers to Drive Him Home (Eventually)
Thomas Massie unfazed by Bill Cassidy's defeat in Louisiana, reportedly too engrossed in his artisanal butter…
Thousands Attend Trump-Backed Prayer Festival: ‘We Welcome Jesus!’
Organizers say the event was about faith; critics say it was about Jesus's campaign finance disclosures.
Dua Saleh Delivers Assured Sophomore Album Of Earth & Wires
Dua Saleh's assured sophomore album of Earth & Wires is here. Critics call it 'aggressively beige' and 'the…
Drake Drops Three Albums, Confirms He’s Secretly A Triplet
Drake shock-dropped three albums: 'Iceman,' 'Habibti,' and 'Maid of Honour.' He claims they're from his secret…
JPEGMAFIA Embraces Glitchy Chaos On New Track “¥ (Yen)”
JPEGMAFIA's new single “¥ (Yen)” embraces chaotic, glitchy sounds reminiscent of his early work. The…