Technology
Product Recall Notice: OpenAI Ends Partnership With SpaceX-Owned Cursor
A formal product recall notice has been issued for Cursor software following the high-profile OpenAI and SpaceX partnership termination.
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Politics
Military Court to Decide if Torture Confession Tainted by Tickling
A military court debates if a torture confession remains valid after prosecutors admitted to using feathers during interrogations.
Music
Dominic Fike Wallflower Recall Issued After Track Sparks Spontaneous Nicotine Cravings
A federal recall has been issued for Dominic Fike Wallflower after the track was found to trigger severe, immediate cigarette cravings in listeners.
Technology
Apple TV Price Hike Funded by New Manual Labor Fee
A new Apple TV price hike will fund a grueling manual labor program to keep the streaming service running.
Music
Bad Wolves Jolene Cover Recalled After Exposing Listeners to Extreme Dolly Parton Deprivation
Regulators issue an urgent product recall for the Bad Wolves Jolene cover after discovering a total absence of promised Dolly Parton vocals.
Business
Fighting Inflation Means Fighting You, Fed Warns
Federal Reserve officials confirm they are not done fighting inflation and plan to physically fight you behind a grocery store.
Music
TheARTI$t Purpose Memo Leaked After Singer Finds True Calling
Leaked Atlantic Records memo reveals corporate panic over R&B star finding TheARTI$t Purpose during her viral single 'Sober'.
Politics
WWII Memorial Vandal Indicted for Damaging Nation’s Only Source of Stone
A federal grand jury indicted a woman for defacing the WWII Memorial, sparking fears over America's limited granite reserves.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Charity Festival Sued Over 'Too Much Helpfulness' by Live Nation
Court transcripts reveal the legal battle over the Olivia Rodrigo charity festival and its $10 million fundraising success.
Politics
Milo Yiannopoulos Detained Under Absurd Visa Provision
Court records reveal Milo Yiannopoulos detained by ICE for failing to meet his mandatory quota of public outrage.
World
Norway King Haakon VIII Prepares for 5 Royal Succession Pitfalls
Norway King Haakon VIII faces several absurd challenges as he ascends the throne, from Ikea assembly to angry royal penguins.
Music
Revolution Hall Renovation Proves Moldy Desks Make the Best Concert Seating
The Revolution Hall renovation brings authentic detention-era aromas and moldy desks to Portland music fans.
Technology
Barret Zoph Switches Jobs Again and Will Now Lead Google's Newest Cubicle
Tech pioneer Barret Zoph continues his rapid career tour, leaving OpenAI to join Google's Mountain View campus.
Music
Mac DeMarco Streaming Drop Includes Audio of Artist Doing His Laundry
The new Mac DeMarco streaming drop features four secret albums, including a 45-minute recording of the indie star doing his laundry.
Technology
TechCrunch Disrupt 2026 Features AI Rivals Holding Hands for Warmth
At TechCrunch Disrupt 2026, AI rivals Anthropic and OpenAI share a blanket on stage to keep their systems from freezing.
Music
Haute & Freddy Touch Touch Lawsuit Exposes Illegal Pop Hook Cartel
A shocking court transcript reveals the secret cartel behind Haute & Freddy Touch Touch and the global monopoly on catchy choruses.
Technology
EU Demands Access to the Weird New Settings on Instagram and Facebook
European officials demand immediate access to the weird new settings on Instagram and Facebook currently rolling out across America.
Music
Trentemøller Album Announcement Sparks Massive Local Panic After Danish Synth Wave Mistaken For Tsunami
A dramatic Trentemøller album announcement triggered a city-wide evacuation in Copenhagen after residents mistook synth waves for a real tsunami.