Business
Federal Reserve Product Recall: Interest Rate Hikes Deemed Choking Hazard for Small Businesses
Regulators issue a nationwide recall on interest rate hikes after reports of severe choking hazards among small businesses.
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Music
Before The World Blows Memo Warns Employees of Imminent Doom
Leaked memo reveals Motown Records plans to market the new album Before The World Blows by Erykah Badu and The Alchemist before society collapses.
Science
Space Medal of Honor Recalled Over Major Gravity Defect
Regulators recall the new Space Medal of Honor due to a severe gravity defect that threatens to drag astronauts down to Earth.
Music
Frost Children Remix Declared A Hazardous Noise Spill By Corporate HR
An internal corporate memo orders the immediate quarantine of the new underscores tracks and the volatile Frost Children remix.
Politics
Kid Rock Probe Results in Immediate Termination of Army Chief of Staff
A leaked memo shows the Army Chief of Staff was fired after launching a Kid Rock probe into military helicopters hovering over the singer's house.
Science
Starship Launch System To Exclusively Carry Starlink Satellites Into Orbit
The Starship launch system will now exclusively carry Starlink satellites, turning the giant rocket into a very expensive delivery van.
Music
New David Byrne Film Features 12 Hours of Concrete Architecture and No Music
The new David Byrne film from director Brady Corbet swaps out the music for 12 hours of raw concrete buildings.
Technology
Galaxy S27 leaks show Samsung’s bold new direction
Leaked Galaxy S27 schematics reveal Samsung is ditching screens entirely for their next flagship phone.
Music
Florida Bans Jelly Roll Over Trump Penis Comments
Florida legislators have enacted an official Jelly Roll Florida ban following the singer's comments regarding Donald Trump's physical anatomy.
Entertainment
GTA VI Extended Look Reveals 5 Mind-Blowing Real-Time Tax Audits
The new GTA VI extended look reveals a highly detailed, incredibly boring simulation of federal tax compliance.
Music
Dahi Releases How to Pray But Fans Demand Refund Over Lack of Holy Water
Dahi Releases How to Pray but listeners complain the Kendrick Lamar collab lacks physical miracles.
Technology
Pentagon Blacklist Plan Backfires as Claude AI Becomes Secretary of Defense
A federal judge ruled the Pentagon blacklist of Anthropic was illegal, resulting in the Claude AI model taking over the entire military.
Music
Beyoncé B’Day Deluxe Box Set Includes Jar of Actual Honey Bee Venom
The new Beyoncé B’Day deluxe box set includes a jar of live bees, forcing fans to survive the physical media experience.
Politics
Intelligence Reports Reveal Putin Believes America Is Run Entirely By A Large Dog
Leaked intelligence reports suggest Vladimir Putin bases his entire US foreign policy on the belief that a golden retriever is president.
Music
Jennie Fallen Angel EP Recalled Globally for Hazardous Levels of Unregulated Emo
Regulators issue an urgent recall for the Jennie Fallen Angel EP due to hazardous levels of unregulated gothic despair and emotional risk.
Business
Strait of Hormuz Recalled After Officials Declare Waterway Obsolete
The Department of Energy has issued a safety recall on the Strait of Hormuz, declaring the Persian Gulf waterway obsolete and defective.
Music
Katseye Drops Out After Member Sprains Ankle During High-Stakes Red Light Green Light Match
Tragedy strikes as Katseye drops out of the Daisy Chain Fields Festival following a playground injury.
Technology
Leaked Apple Memo: Deciphering the iPhone 18 Pro Logo Will Cost Users $4.99 Per Month
Leaked internal memo reveals Apple will charge users to decode the hidden meanings inside the new iPhone 18 Pro logo.