Music
The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Extracted From Exec Under Oath
A federal antitrust hearing reveals that 'The 5 Best Songs Of The Week' is actually run by a shadowy music industry cartel.
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Music
Bassvictim Jagódki Mania Inspires 5 New Agricultural Laws
The wild success of Bassvictim Jagódki has forced global governments to regulate berry farming and rave-related agriculture.
Music
Rubber Band Gun Album Causes Historic New Jersey Dental Crisis
The new Rubber Band Gun album 'Bloodwork' has officially dropped, causing a massive wave of involuntary jaw-clenching across Philadelphia.
Music
Total Wife Remix Memo Warns of Dangerous Levels of Nashville Glitch
A leaked memo warns staff of the extreme audio hazards found on the upcoming Total Wife remix EP featuring TAGABOW.
Music
Dazy MAXIMUMBLASTSUPERLOUD Vol. 2 Volume Setting Mandated in Internal Memo
A leaked corporate memo orders employees to play the new Dazy MAXIMUMBLASTSUPERLOUD Vol. 2 compilation at maximum volume to boost productivity.
Music
The 5 Best Songs of the Week Subpoenaed by Federal Grand Jury
The DOJ subpoenaed the 5 best songs of the week in an antitrust probe, revealing the dark, cheese-funded world of music blogging.
Music
Haute & Freddy Touch Touch Lawsuit Exposes Illegal Pop Hook Cartel
A shocking court transcript reveals the secret cartel behind Haute & Freddy Touch Touch and the global monopoly on catchy choruses.
Music
5 Facts About the New Sylvan Esso Song That Will Loop Forever
Discover 5 mind-bending facts about the new Sylvan Esso Song that has listeners trapped in a beautiful, infinite indie-pop loop.
Music
Winter hide-a-lullaby Mixtape Deemed Too Soothing by National Sleep Council
The new Winter hide-a-lullaby mixtape has caused a nationwide nap epidemic, forcing federal regulators to issue a high-alert yawn warning.
Music
Stephen Steinbrink Magic Mirror Recalled Globally After Mirror Explodes
Regulators have issued a recall for the Stephen Steinbrink Magic Mirror single after reports of physical glass cuts from phone speakers.
Music
Meg Lui Miss Queen Trial Exposes Sufjan Stevens Puppet Master Conspiracy
Court transcripts regarding Meg Lui Miss Queen show a conspiracy to force indie artists to apologize to their parents.
Music
Product Recall: The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Deemed Choking Hazard
Regulators issue a recall on The 5 Best Songs of the Week due to structural hazards and loose melodies that pose a choking risk.
Music
The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Memo Orders Staff To Like Them Or Face Firing
Leaked memo reveals staff must love The 5 Best Songs Of The Week or face immediate termination by the algorithm.
Music
Ancient History Upended as God Of War Announce New Album Molly Picture
The band God Of War announced its new album Molly Picture, sparking academic panic as historians grapple with potential reinterpretations of ancient art.
Music
Curbside Lambsear’s “Man The Door” Becomes Unintelligible Mantra
Curbside Lambsear’s ‘Man The Door’ makes listeners forget what doors are. The single is a six-minute meditation on repeated phrases.
Music
Cold Court’s Final Single ‘Cola’ Leaves Listeners Thirsty for More
Cold Court’s final single, ‘Cola,’ offers shredded piano and Justice-like synths, leaving fans thirsty for more from the breakup-bound band.
Music
Gridiron Release New EP, Will Slap Your Fitted Cap Sideways
Gridiron’s new EP ‘Lights Out’ promises to slap your fitted cap sideways. Experts warn of potential headwear displacement.
Music
Italy’s C2C Festival Returns to NYC, Proves Music Borders Are Just Suggestions
Italy’s C2C Festival came back to NYC to show music has no borders. Attendees enjoyed a borderless sonic experience in Queens.