Politics
5 Shady Betting Pools Happening On White House Teleprompters
A federal probe reveals the wild underground market for teleprompter bets inside the nation's capital.
Tagged: Washington DC (51)
Business
Fighting Inflation Means Fighting You, Fed Warns
Federal Reserve officials confirm they are not done fighting inflation and plan to physically fight you behind a grocery store.
Politics
WWII Memorial Vandal Indicted for Damaging Nation’s Only Source of Stone
A federal grand jury indicted a woman for defacing the WWII Memorial, sparking fears over America's limited granite reserves.
Politics
Intelligence Reports Reveal Putin Believes America Is Run Entirely By A Large Dog
Leaked intelligence reports suggest Vladimir Putin bases his entire US foreign policy on the belief that a golden retriever is president.
Politics
Samoa Trip Records Leak From RFK Jr's Secret Diary
Leaked documents from a controversial Samoa trip contradict public testimony, revealing a focus on marine life.
Politics
Pentagon Pete Demands Kid Rock Flyby Investigation Die Quietly
Military officials received direct orders to bury the Kid Rock flyby investigation after an unauthorized low-altitude stunt in Tennessee.
Technology
Chinese Botnet Attack Was Just To Reach Level 100 On Candy Crush
A court transcript reveals the Chinese botnet attack on government servers was actually launched to cheat at Candy Crush.
Politics
Product Recall Notice: Trump Beef Tariff Policy Recalled For Severe Cow-Shortage Risk
A formal product recall notice for the Trump beef tariff policy due to a severe risk of angry Midwestern senators.
Politics
State Department Sends Diplomats Back to Embassies via Trebuchet
The State Department is returning diplomats back to embassies using a high-velocity tactical catapult system to avoid commercial flight delays.
Politics
Supreme Court Approves New Trump Plan to Deliver Mail-In Voting via Trebuchet
A new Trump plan to restrict mail-in voting will require all ballots to be delivered to local election boards via medieval siege engine.
Politics
Iran Economic Sanctions Recalled After Treasury Uses Wrong Font
A voluntary recall of the Iran economic sanctions has been issued after the Treasury Department accidentally printed the documents in Comic Sans.
Politics
Secret Kushner Meeting Revealed To Be Elaborate Wax Museum Prank
A secret Kushner meeting between Hakeem Jeffries and a wax figure has sparked intense backlash ahead of the midterms.
Politics
Military Censorship Hearing Reveals Pentagon Only Approves Word Searches
A tense congressional hearing reveals the Pentagon's extreme military censorship methods, including replacing news with word searches.
Politics
5 Facts About the Invisible White House Ballroom That Cost Zero Dollars
Discover the secrets of the zero-dollar White House ballroom that is definitely real and not just a hole in the lawn.
Business
Treasury Debt Buyback Scheme Leaked Memo Reveals Plan To Use Bed Bath & Beyond Coupons
Leaked memo reveals the treasury debt buyback scheme will use expired coupons to avoid a total dollar devaluation spiral.