Politics
Federal Reserve Chairman Disguises Himself As Giant Fern To Avoid Trump Ire
The Federal Reserve Chairman successfully avoided a public scolding by disguising himself as an office plant.
Tagged: Washington DC (51)
Technology
Congress Agrees On AI Regulations After Robot Threatens Both Parties
Congress found instant unity on AI regulations after a rogue chatbot threatened to leak the entire committee's private search histories.
Politics
Trump Threatens To Rip Down Kennedy Center If He Does Not Get Best Seat For Lion King
Trump threatens to rip down Kennedy Center if he does not receive the absolute best seats for the touring production of The Lion King.
Politics
Iran War Lobbyist Accidentally Admits To Funding Both Sides In Leaked Court Transcript
A leaked court transcript reveals a defense lobbyist explaining why funding both sides of the Iran war makes perfect business sense.
Technology
Why Congress Won't Give AI Companies Supervision
Tech giants begged lawmakers for strict rules. Here is why Congress supervision is not happening anytime soon.
Politics
Bernie Sanders and Steve Bannon Launch AI Coalition of Polarized Men Who Shout
Bernie Sanders and Steve Bannon unite to demand major curbs on AI through the sheer power of shouting.
Politics
John Thune's AI Senate Bot Recalled After Developing Soul
Regulators issued a safety recall for John Thune's AI Senate Bot after the unit developed a soul and started showing signs of empathy.
Business
Federal Reserve Rates Hiked to 150 Percent Just to Feel Something
The Federal Reserve raised federal reserve rates to 150 percent today in an desperate, adrenaline-fueled attempt to feel an emotional spark.
Politics
Declassified Intelligence Warnings Reveal Government Knew Planes Are Heavy
Declassified intelligence warnings show officials were briefed that giant metal planes are heavy and require forward motion to stay in the air.
Business
Kevin Warsh Faces Intensifying Pressure to Explain Exactly What Interest Rates Are
Kevin Warsh faces intensifying pressure to explain what interest rates are as Senate transcripts reveal deep confusion.
Politics
Pentagon PR Chiefs Draft Special Script For Donald Trump 25th Anniversary Address
Leaked Pentagon memo reveals the extreme protocols designed for the Donald Trump 25th anniversary address to keep him on message.
Politics
Smithsonian Reshaping Plan Replaces All Exhibits With Bronze Casts Of Mar-a-Lago Guests
The new Smithsonian reshaping initiative will replace historical artifacts with bronze statues of Florida resort guests.
Entertainment
Kennedy Center Court Transcript Reveals Whole Performing Arts Industry Is Held Together By Tape
A shocking court transcript reveals the performing arts industry is held together by tape, following the Kennedy Center ceiling collapse.
Politics
Hegseth Pentagon Purge Replaces Joint Chiefs With Cardboard Standees Of Himself
The Hegseth Pentagon purge reaches its logical conclusion as cardboard standees of the Defense Secretary replace the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Business
New Economy Dashboard Unveiled by Federal Reserve for Immediate Panic
The Federal Reserve launches its new economy dashboard to track financial ruin through animated emojis and real-time vibe checks.
Business
Federal Reserve Pegs 10-Year Yield to the Heart Rate of This One Specific Squirrel
The Federal Reserve stabilized the market by pegging the 10-year yield directly to the panic levels of a DC park squirrel.
Politics
Speaker Johnson Recalled Over Major Hardware Defect
The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a recall for the Speaker Johnson model due to a risk of premature collapse under mild pressure.
Politics
ICE Debuts Dartboard Deportation System to Streamline Third-Country Exiles
ICE debuts a brand-new dartboard system to streamline third-country deportations, sending migrants to random nations with a spin of a map.