Music
Krill Secret Language Album Sparked Federal Investigation Into Indie Poptimism
Court transcripts show how the Krill Secret Language album was used to weaponize nostalgia against aging millennials.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Ed Sheeran Controversy Testimony Reveals Secret Pop Music Crisis
A leaked court transcript from the Ed Sheeran controversy reveals the terrifying fragility of the global acoustic pop market.
Music
Placebo 2027 Tour To Feature On-Site Therapists For Aging Millennial Fans
The upcoming Placebo 2027 tour will feature on-site therapists and joint ointment stations for aging alternative rock fans.
Music
Pitchfork Selects Playlist Recalled After Overexposure to Wednesday Remix Causes Severe Hipster Fatigue
A federal recall targets the Pitchfork Selects playlist after a Wednesday remix causes severe hipster fatigue.
Music
Bruise Bath Song Causes HR Panic at Major Record Label
A leaked memo reveals a record label mistook the new Bruise Bath song for an actual HR crisis.
Music
Lydia Loveless Announces New EP To Win Fake Awards
Lydia Loveless announces a new EP to secure imaginary trophies with a polished new version of 'Accolades.'
Music
Say Now Single Sparks Internal Panic At Mirror Manufacturer Headquarters
An internal memo warns that the new Say Now single 'Met my match' is causing premium mirrors to shatter from sheer sonic perfection.
Music
Chad Gilbert Tributes: 5 Absurd Ways Emo Kids Are Honoring the Guitarist
Fans share hilarious and touching Chad Gilbert tributes to honor the late New Found Glory guitarist who passed away at age 45.
Music
2hollis Sex Track Sparks Nationwide Confusion Over Modern Reproduction
The new 2hollis Sex single has left fans confused and physically exhausted by its extreme 150-BPM tempo.
Music
Rostam Tour Secrets Exposed in Explosive Live Nation Court Transcript
A shocking court transcript reveals the bizarre, calculated industry secrets behind the upcoming Hamilton Leithauser and Rostam tour.
Music
Court Records Reveal Why You Must Listen to These 11 New Albums Now
Leaked court transcripts reveal the terrifying industry conspiracy behind the 11 new albums you are legally required to stream.
Music
Orville Peck Hookup Stuns the NFL as Raiders Search Their Roster
A mystery Orville Peck hookup with a former Raiders player has the NFL searching through decades of roster archives.
Music
GTA VI Soundtrack Launch Triggers Mandatory Corporate Synergy Protocol
A leaked Rockstar Games memo outlines extreme staff requirements for the GTA VI soundtrack launch featuring Travis Scott and Fred again..
Music
Jhené Aiko Westside Whimsy Tops Billboard 200 via Lucid Dreaming
The Jhené Aiko Westside Whimsy album debuts at No. 1 on the Billboard 200, making history through astral projection and pure relaxation.
Music
Aespa Tour Concertgoers Warned of Severe Whiplash Risk by Federal Regulators
The federal government has recalled the aespa tour following reports of severe whiplash and neck injuries among K-pop fans.
Music
Macklemore Palestine Aid Trial Exposes Dark Underbelly of Touring Profits
A courtroom transcript reveals the bizarre financial secrets behind the Macklemore Palestine aid pledge and Ed Sheeran's touring machine.
Music
Ed Sheeran Gaza Stance Blames Venue for Macklemore Tour Boot
Leaked memo shows how the Ed Sheeran Gaza Stance shifted blame to venue security for removing Macklemore from the tour.
Music
Ed Sheeran Tour Memo Demands Openers Only Sing About Neutral Shapes
Leaked memo reveals strict new rules for artists following the controversial Ed Sheeran stage speech.