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Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Stock Market Today: Investors achieved record gains by simply deciding to ignore global tensions. Experts credit collective national ‘head in the sand’ strategy.
Benson Boone Is a ‘Wanted Man’ In Australia, not for traditional crimes, but for the proliferation of catchy tunes causing an “earworm epidemic” across the continent.
Jack White fondly remembers opening for The Rolling Stones, praising their ‘vintage’ amps that sounded like ‘dying hamsters’ and captured that old time rock and roll.
Interpol claims “Iron City” is their most New York song yet, capturing the essence of a non-existent metropolis.
Sabrina Carpenter is pleased, pleased, pleased by RUSH’s concert, finding their prog-rock surprisingly relatable.
The band God Of War announced its new album Molly Picture, sparking academic panic as historians grapple with potential reinterpretations of ancient art.
The new Madonna photo book ‘Into the Groove’ is so comprehensive it features images yet to be captured, along with every photo ever taken.
Lil Wayne’s “bad-ass migraine,” cited as a Lil Wayne seizure risk, has reportedly achieved sentience and demands its own headlining tour, separate from the rapper.
Twisted Teens Announce New Album Florida Water Blues, promising more sonic discomfort. Fans nationwide ready their therapy appointments for the new tracks.
Slowcore Bands imy3 & towhead Announce New Split EP, promising music so slow it challenges perception. Fans prepare for extreme patience.
Agnostic Front and Angel Du$t’s Hardcore Co-Headlining Tour promises a sonic generational clash. Audiences prepare for unprecedented decibel levels.
U2 rediscovered their own song, “Street Of Dreams,” after decades. Band members were reportedly shocked by the forgotten track’s existence.
Experimental outfit gash announce new album at least you know what you’re laughing at, promising clarity for confused listeners. Now you know why you’re laughing.
Gracie Abrams is done ‘pointing fingers’ in songs, citing past carelessness. Olivia Rodrigo takes notes.
Dinner Party’s new album, Watchu Bringing?, arrives August 7. The jazz supergroup aims for peak chill.
Ben Folds Five releasing shelved first attempt at debut album for its 30th anniversary. Hear their original ‘Underground’ — a sonic contamination.
Gilla Band announced their new album Pugnello, featuring the single “Placeholder.” The band aims to capture existential dread with sonic experimentation.
Taylor Swift’s wedding turned into a concert featuring Paul McCartney and Stevie Nicks, a true once-in-a-lifetime event.
