Music
Angine de Poitrine US TV Debut Sparks Federal Obstruction and Racketeering Investigation
A federal investigation launched following the chaotic Angine de Poitrine US TV debut, exposing a vast music industry conspiracy.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
New Calla Album Sparks Corporate Panic Over Return of 2005 Indie Moodiness
Leaked memo reveals tech giant's panic over the new Calla album, warning it could trigger a mass wave of 2005 indie rock sadness.
Music
Land Of Talk Album Release Triggers Panicked Indie Rock Nostalgia Crisis
The new Land Of Talk album release has triggered a wave of nostalgia among aging indie rock fans who are not emotionally prepared.
Music
Big Ears 2027 Lineup Features Dial-Up Internet and Shouting Matches
The Big Ears 2027 lineup pushes avant-garde boundaries with dial-up internet noises, screaming neighbors, and corporate terms of service.
Music
Robert Kraft Pressure Campaign Exposed in Macklemore and Ed Sheeran Tour Lawsuit
A leaked court transcript reveals the Robert Kraft pressure campaign that booted Macklemore from the Ed Sheeran tour.
Music
Lana Del Rey Teases Zach Bryan Collab in Leaked Memo Outlining National Sadness Reserve
A leaked Interscope memo reveals emergency protocols as Lana Del Rey teases Zach Bryan collab, threatening global serotonin levels.
Music
Paris Paloma Deposition Reveals Industry Plot to Ban Deep Emotions
Leaked court transcripts show executives tried to ban deep emotions, forcing Paris Paloma to fight for her right to write sad songs.
Music
Alanis Morissette Joins Brandi Carlile To Form Supreme Folk-Rock Tribunal
Leaked memo reveals plans for when Alanis Morissette joins Brandi Carlile, merging 90s angst with modern Americana.
Music
Black Sabbath Reunion Cancelled Because Andrew Watt Was Too Excited
A final Black Sabbath reunion album is officially dead because producer Andrew Watt was simply too excited for Tony Iommi.
Music
Why Formal Sppeedwear’s Punch Card Sounds Like One Band In Particular
Why Formal Sppeedwear’s Punch Card sounds exactly like one band in particular, and why we are totally okay with that.
Music
Ocean Way Festival Canceled Due to Sandy Ground Conditions
The inaugural Ocean Way Festival canceled its dates after organizers discovered that wet beach sand is not a stable foundation.
Music
Blood Mountain Anniversary Prompts Urgent Metal Recall Over Safety Concerns
Regulators issue an urgent product recall during the Blood Mountain anniversary due to severe neck strain and chaotic time signatures.
Music
Cheetah Chrome Tributes Flood Corporate Inboxes Following Guitarist’s Passing
Cheetah Chrome tributes are officially organized by corporate offices to streamline the punk guitarist's historic legacy.
Music
Justin Bieber Anniversary Sparked by Secret Government Clone Exchange Program, Deposition Reveals
Leaked court transcripts show the recent Justin Bieber anniversary was actually a corporate clone exchange program.
Music
Icehouse 2027 Tour Requires Fans to Begin Stretching Exercises Now
Get ready for the Icehouse 2027 tour by starting your physical therapy routine today. The synth-pop legends demand peak physical fitness.
Music
Ella Langley's Dandelion Sparks Federal Inquiry Over Strange Chart Magic
A Congressional panel investigates how Ella Langley's Dandelion suddenly returned to the top of the Billboard 200 chart.
Music
The Fray Tour Sparks Antitrust Probe Into Nostalgia Cartel
The Fray tour with Dashboard Confessional faces an antitrust probe for allegedly monopolizing the global supply of 2007 millennial sadness.
Music
Chief Keef Postpones Homecoming Show to Build 50-Foot Holographic Bulletproof Vest
Chief Keef postponed his Chicago show to finish building a massive 50-foot holographic bulletproof vest for the stage.