Music
Eladio Carrión Polaroid Moment Sparks Federal Payola Investigation
A federal grand jury investigates the Eladio Carrión Polaroid chart success, exposing a massive instant-photo payola scheme.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Internal Sony Memo Warns 'Faith Tour' Concert Film Trailer Is Too Sexy for Modern Audiences
An internal Sony memo warns that the 'Faith Tour' Concert Film Trailer contains levels of pop charisma that modern viewers cannot safely process.
Music
Drake Iceman Songs Recalled Globally Due To Extreme Danger Of Unprovoked Melancholy
Federal regulators issue an emergency recall for Drake Iceman songs after a live performance causes severe cases of unprovoked melancholy.
Music
Ed Sheeran Forklift Accident Sparks Live Nation Mandate on Acoustic Safety Protocols
A leaked Live Nation memo reveals new acoustic safety protocols following the Ed Sheeran forklift accident in Detroit.
Music
Say Anything Collaborative Album Scrapped by Wavves Following Fresh Waves of PR Panic
Wavves officially scrap Say Anything collaborative album plans following recent public allegations, shifting focus to corporate brand protection.
Music
Coachella 2027 Lineup Recalled Due to Severe Lack of Vibes
Regulators issued a formal recall for the Coachella 2027 lineup, citing severe risks of aesthetic fatigue and mid-tempo swaying.
Music
Kali Malone Readies New Album of Drone Metal After Brutal Cross-Examination
Court transcripts reveal the truth as Kali Malone readies new album of hypnotic drone metal alongside Stephen O'Malley.
Music
Suno Lawsuit Transcript Reveals AI Programmed to Feel Authentic Southern Pain
A shocking Suno lawsuit transcript reveals the AI platform programmed its neural network to experience simulated Southern heartbreak.
Music
New Avalanches Album Requires Signed Waiver for Haley Joel Osment Audio
A leaked memo shows legal panic over the new Avalanches album featuring Mike Patton and Haley Joel Osment.
Music
Federal Recall Issued for Susanna Hoffs Bad Case Of Loneliness Due to Severe Sadness Risks
Regulators issue a recall for the Susanna Hoffs duet due to extreme emotional hazards.
Music
Gash Data Master Leak Forces Label to Mandate Pure Math Lessons
A leaked internal memo shows Angel Tapes forcing the band to learn Excel after releasing the gash data master single.
Music
Coachella 2027 Headliners Leaked Five Years Early to Beat Rumor Blogs
Goldenvoice announces the Coachella 2027 headliners to stop online music blogs from leaking the poster early.
Music
Leaked Memo: Live Nation Staff Ordered to Fake Tears for The Faith Tour Concert Film
A leaked Live Nation memo orders staff to force emotional reactions during screenings of The Faith Tour Concert Film.
Music
Kali Malone Announces Burning Song via Hostage Video Press Release
Kali Malone announces Burning Song, her latest album of punishing, beautiful pipe organ drones designed to test your home subwoofer.
Music
Last Ever Kellyoke Destroys Earth's Oxygen Supply, FCC Hearing Reveals
A congressional hearing reveals the devastating environmental impact of the last ever Kellyoke performance on daytime television.
Music
Miley Bass Persuades Album Prompts Emergency Columbia Records Memo
An internal leak reveals Columbia Records' bizarre strategy for the Miley Bass Persuades album campaign and her sudden mononymous rebrand.
Music
Daisy Chain Fields Film To Include 40 Minutes Of Tuning Acoustic Guitars
The upcoming Daisy Chain Fields film will feature long, unedited scenes of acoustic guitar tuning and backstage shawl math.
Music
Leaked Internal Memo: Skaiwater New Album Forces Emergency Corporate Rebranding
A leaked corporate memo reveals Spotify is scrambling to update its vibe algorithms following the Skaiwater new album drop.