Meg Stalter Album Crave Sparks Nationwide Desire for Unearned Self-Confidence
Critics unanimously agree: America was already pretty enough.
AI Declares This Week’s ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week’ Based Solely On Humidity Levels
The music industry's highly anticipated 'The 5 Best Songs Of The Week' list has a new curator: an AI. The…
Junior Varsity’s New EP Is Ready, Band Baffled By Its Own Timeliness
Alt-pop duo Junior Varsity has announced their new EP is "Ready," leaving industry insiders baffled by the…
Ukraine Hitting Oil Facilities Deemed ‘Optimal’ for Russian Economy
The Kremlin announced that Ukraine hitting oil facilities has successfully optimized Russia's economy, leading…
The Villages Security Bolstered by New ‘Elder-Watch’ Program
The Villages security tightens its grip with the new "Elder-Watch" program, deputizing seniors to enforce quiet…
Southern States Discover Infinite Loophole to Add Republican House Seats
Southern states have reportedly discovered an arcane constitutional provision allowing them to simply *add*…
Madonna, Sabrina Carpenter Collaboration Causes Global Love Surplus
The new Madonna and Sabrina Carpenter collaboration, "Bring Your Love," has unleashed an uncontrollable wave of…
Post Malone Album Delay Blamed on Unfinished Doodle
The highly anticipated ‘Big Ass Stadium Tour’ faces an indefinite Post Malone album delay, as the artist…
Rostam Cancels Shows Over Absurd Logistical Issues
Rostam Cancels Shows again, citing logistical issues that include specific butter temperatures, antique doll…
Kelsey Lu Better Than That Soothing Melody Causes Mass Coma
"Kelsey Lu Better Than That" featuring Sampha has plunged the world into a state of profound, unmotivated…