Technology
Elon Musk Lawsuit Diverted Entirely to OpenAI After Apple Escapes
Apple successfully dodges the Elon Musk lawsuit, leaving OpenAI to face the billionaire's legal team entirely alone.
Latest · page 47
Music
Robert Kraft Pressure Campaign Exposed in Macklemore and Ed Sheeran Tour Lawsuit
A leaked court transcript reveals the Robert Kraft pressure campaign that booted Macklemore from the Ed Sheeran tour.
Politics
John Thune's AI Senate Bot Recalled After Developing Soul
Regulators issued a safety recall for John Thune's AI Senate Bot after the unit developed a soul and started showing signs of empathy.
Music
Lana Del Rey Teases Zach Bryan Collab in Leaked Memo Outlining National Sadness Reserve
A leaked Interscope memo reveals emergency protocols as Lana Del Rey teases Zach Bryan collab, threatening global serotonin levels.
Politics
Mail Ballot Restrictions Blocked by Our Legal Team
Leaked internal memo reveals emergency contingency plans after the Supreme Court rejected mail ballot restrictions.
Music
Paris Paloma Deposition Reveals Industry Plot to Ban Deep Emotions
Leaked court transcripts show executives tried to ban deep emotions, forcing Paris Paloma to fight for her right to write sad songs.
Technology
Apple iOS 27 Update Will Now Automatically Apologize to Your Ex
The new Apple iOS 27 update introduces an AI-driven Siri that automatically drafts and sends deeply personal apologies to your exes.
Music
Alanis Morissette Joins Brandi Carlile To Form Supreme Folk-Rock Tribunal
Leaked memo reveals plans for when Alanis Morissette joins Brandi Carlile, merging 90s angst with modern Americana.
Technology
Apple Releases iOS 27 to Turn Disappointing Texts Into Beautiful Poetry
Tech giant Apple releases iOS 27, transforming your lazy one-word text messages into beautiful, tragic poetry.
Music
Black Sabbath Reunion Cancelled Because Andrew Watt Was Too Excited
A final Black Sabbath reunion album is officially dead because producer Andrew Watt was simply too excited for Tony Iommi.
Technology
Apple Recalls iOS 27 AI Camera Summaries After AI Hallucinates Raccoons
Apple recalls its premium iOS 27 AI Camera Summaries subscription after the software mistook suburban pests for armed paramilitary squads.
Music
Why Formal Sppeedwear’s Punch Card Sounds Like One Band In Particular
Why Formal Sppeedwear’s Punch Card sounds exactly like one band in particular, and why we are totally okay with that.
Music
Ocean Way Festival Canceled Due to Sandy Ground Conditions
The inaugural Ocean Way Festival canceled its dates after organizers discovered that wet beach sand is not a stable foundation.
World
Mideast Diplomatic Talks Recalled Due To Severe Logistics Malfunction
Regulators issue an urgent product recall notice for mideast diplomatic talks after a severe logistics failure in the Gulf region.
Music
Blood Mountain Anniversary Prompts Urgent Metal Recall Over Safety Concerns
Regulators issue an urgent product recall during the Blood Mountain anniversary due to severe neck strain and chaotic time signatures.
Technology
A Fateful Turning Point in AI Testimony Exposes Silicon Valley Doomsday Machine
A fateful turning point in congressional AI hearings reveals that tech leaders built the doomsday machine to automate basic household chores.
Music
Cheetah Chrome Tributes Flood Corporate Inboxes Following Guitarist’s Passing
Cheetah Chrome tributes are officially organized by corporate offices to streamline the punk guitarist's historic legacy.
Business
Federal Reserve Rates Hiked to 150 Percent Just to Feel Something
The Federal Reserve raised federal reserve rates to 150 percent today in an desperate, adrenaline-fueled attempt to feel an emotional spark.