Hurry Announces ‘Zoned Out’ Album, Band Reportedly Now Permanently Distracted
Hurry announces new album 'Zoned Out.' Band members embrace method acting by being perpetually distracted.
Google’s Gemini ‘Proactive Assistance’ Promises to Annoy You Before You Ask
Google's Gemini 'Proactive Assistance' will offer unsolicited AI help, potentially leading to more interruptions…
Glaive & Kurtains Drop New Album, Promise Existential Dread
Glaive and Kurtains announce new album 'God Save The Three,' promising fans a cathartic, loud, and possibly…
Olivia Rodrigo Lands Fourth #1 Hit, Credits Nine Inch Nails
Olivia Rodrigo's fourth #1 hit, "Drop Dead Gorgeous," was inspired by Nine Inch Nails and a clean conscience.
Madonna’s ‘Club Confessions’ Dance Party Proves Dance Floor Still Exists
Madonna's 'Club Confessions' dance party featured unreleased music and a shocking lack of phone use. A true…
Putin Pledges Support for Iran, Offers Moral Backing for ‘Whatever’
Putin pledges support for Iran, promising "existential" and "vague" solidarity. The Kremlin offered moral…
Supreme Court Declares Cell Location Data ‘Just Kinda Out There’ For Cops
The Supreme Court struggled with police cell location data, with justices admitting confusion and one asking if…
‘Beauty and a Beat’ Dominance Declared a National Emergency
Bieber & Minaj's 'Beauty and a Beat' hitting No. 1 causes global seismic activity & involuntary dancing. A…
Olivia Rodrigo’s ‘Drop Dead’ Hits No. 1, Earns National Holiday
Fans celebrate the chart-topping success with coordinated sobbing.
Stagecoach 2026 Featured Sydney Sweeney’s Lingerie Karaoke
Stagecoach 2026 became a celebrity branding event, featuring Sydney Sweeney's lingerie karaoke bar over actual…