Technology
Slower AI Development Prompts Tech Giants to Try These 5 Alternative Activities
A push for slower AI development leaves Silicon Valley elites with too much free time. Here is how they are coping with the sudden lack of coding.
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Music
Ariana Grande Elevator Rescue Inspires New Eternal Sunshine Deluxe Track
The Ariana Grande elevator rescue in London inspires a brand new track for her hit album Eternal Sunshine.
World
Saudi Arabia Conflict Options Include These 5 Desperate Ideas
Discover the absurd Saudi Arabia conflict options being considered as traditional geopolitical strategies fail.
Music
Nice as Fuck Reunite to Perform for Crowds of Unapologetic Nice Guys
Jenny Lewis’s Nice as Fuck reunite for a 10th-anniversary tour that accidentally attracted an audience of defensive nice guys.
Technology
Court Transcripts Reveal iOS 27 Requires Your Soul
Leaked court transcripts reveal that the upcoming iOS 27 update requires users to legally forfeit their eternal souls to Apple.
Music
Shygirl Album Swallow Recalled After Listeners Experience Severe Vertigo
Regulators issue an emergency recall for the Shygirl album Swallow after the lead single causes severe inner ear disorientation.
Business
Hiking interest rates with physical hiking boots
Leaked memo reveals Fed plans for hiking interest rates with physical hiking boots to stomp out inflation.
Music
Dolly Parton Airport Memo Outlines Absurd Rhinestone Security Upgrades
Leaked memo reveals Nashville is converting its airport into the Dolly Parton Airport, featuring rhinestone-clad TSA agents and banjo white noise.
Technology
OpenAI Rules Out IPO to Save Humanity From Financial Literacy
Leaked memo reveals why OpenAI rules out IPO for now, citing the extreme danger of public investors looking at their actual math.
Music
Five Guys Featured Artist Honor Awarded to Turnstile
Grammy winners Turnstile receive the ultimate Five Guys Featured Artist honor and immediately demand veggie burgers.
Politics
Sweden Recalls Far-Right Government Due To Immediate Choking Hazard
Sweden recalls its new far-right government after safety inspectors discover the administration poses an immediate choking hazard.
Music
Céline Dion Tears Power Parisian Municipal Grid on Opening Night of Comeback
Céline Dion tears power the entire Paris municipal grid during the emotional opening night of her highly anticipated 26-date residency.
Politics
Campaign Strategy memo recommends more sinking plane crashes for Wisconsin GOP candidates
Leaked internal memo recommends sinking plane campaign strategies to boost voter engagement for Wisconsin candidates.
Music
BIGBANG Cosmos Tour Causes East Coast Hair Gel Shortage Ahead of MetLife Show
The BIGBANG Cosmos Tour triggers a massive hair gel shortage in the tri-state area ahead of their historic MetLife Stadium show.
Technology
U.S. iPhone 18 Pro Max Contains Liquid Mercury
A federal hearing reveals the U.S. iPhone 18 Pro Max contains liquid mercury to satisfy American demands for heavy, dangerous tech.
Politics
Product Recall: State Of North Carolina Deemed Hazardous For Republican Campaigning
Regulators issue an urgent recall for North Carolina due to a severe North Carolina problem that causes immediate GOP campaign failure.
Music
Ocean Way Festival Canceled After Sand Simply Decided to Log Off
The inaugural Ocean Way Festival canceled its debut after the beach literally dissolved. Read the full list of disasters.
Politics
Feds Issue Recall Notice On $5,000 Trump Dividend Over High Explosion Risk
Regulators issue a safety recall for the $5,000 Trump dividend, warning the unfunded checks may spontaneously combust under basic math.