Politics
Six Other Things Donald Trump Wants To Rename After Renaming Lake Ontario
Leaked documents show plans to rename Lake Ontario and other landmarks.
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Music
Federal Recall Issued for Stella Lefty Interpolation of The Chicks After Sonic Drift Hazard
Regulators ordered a recall of the Stella Lefty interpolation of The Chicks due to extreme acoustic nostalgia hazards.
Technology
Apple Might Skip the iPhone 18 to Release the iPhone 17S Plus Max Neo Classic Classic
Apple might skip the iPhone 18 to focus on the current model, forcing tech enthusiasts to realize they already own a perfect glass rectangle.
Politics
Beijing Fight Back Measures Ranked By Inconvenience To Americans
Beijing fight back measures ranked by how much they will ruin your weekend, from pizza disasters to cat distractions.
Music
The Who Rehire Zak Starkey After He Agrees to Play Drums on His Knees
The Who rehire Zak Starkey under absurd new terms, forcing the drummer to perform on his knees to prevent him from overplaying.
Entertainment
GTA 6 Gameplay Reveals Federal Crimes In Video Game Courtroom Battle
A courtroom transcript reveals Rockstar Games hijacked federal resources to optimize the GTA 6 gameplay reveal.
Music
Marea Viva Benefit Concerts Target Wrong Tectonic Plate, Internal Memo Reveals
A leaked memo reveals the Marea Viva benefit concerts accidentally stabilized a luxury resort instead of rebuilding Chocó.
Technology
Meta Child Safety Changes Spark Horrifying Courtroom Confessions
Leaked court transcripts reveal the bizarre, dystopian logic behind the latest Meta child safety changes for teen users.
Music
Charli xcx Brat Trial Reveals Government Secret Behind Reading Festival Set
Court transcripts from the Charli xcx Brat trial reveal the government secret behind her iconic Reading Festival headline set.
World
Norway Royal Succession Decided by Extremely Long Game of Duck Duck Goose
The Norway royal succession resolved itself yesterday after a grueling nine-hour round of Duck Duck Goose on the palace lawn.
Music
Tim McGraw Fall Sparks New Gravitational Safety Initiative by Country Icon
A recent Tim McGraw fall inspires the country legend to launch a global initiative against the dangers of gravity and stage edges.
World
Strait of Hormuz Traffic Drops as US Replaces Ocean with Concrete
Strait of Hormuz traffic plunges to zero after the Pentagon decides to pave the entire shipping lane with quick-drying concrete.
Technology
SpaceX Acquires Cursor to Help Rocket Gps Find Left Turns
SpaceX acquires Cursor to help guide its rockets, prompting OpenAI to immediately cut off the AI coding tool's API access.
Music
Taylor Swift Philanthropy Recalled After Rhode Island Incident Causes Extreme Humility
Regulators issued a nationwide recall of Taylor Swift philanthropy after a $50,000 donation in Rhode Island caused extreme humility.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Warsh Speeches Over Extreme Inflation Risks
Federal regulators issue a recall of Warsh speeches due to hazardous levels of hawkish rhetoric that may overheat the economy.
Music
Sam Smith Petty Dispute Escalates In Court Under Cross Examination
A court transcript from the Sam Smith Petty dispute reveals shocking claims about the music industry's songwriting secrets.
Politics
Martian Voting Probe Sparks Intense Cosmic Election Security Fears
A federal investigation into Martian voting sparks intense debate over planetary residency requirements for local school board elections.
Music
Olivia Tremor Control Fans Panic Over Advice From The Oceans
Indie fans panic over the literal advice from the oceans offered by psych-pop legends the Olivia Tremor Control.