Business
Power Outage Trial Reveals Electric Utility Grid Runs Entirely On Hamster Wheels
A shocking court transcript reveals the ongoing Indiana power outage is caused by a union strike of grid-powering hamsters.
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Music
ENHYPEN’s ‘THE SIN : BLISS’ Sparks Civil War as Fans Demand 100% of All Global Votes
Fans of ENHYPEN’s ‘THE SIN : BLISS’ are furious after the EP won a weekly poll with only 73% of the vote, demanding a total fan re-education campaign.
Politics
Pete Buttigieg Launches Campaign To Make South Carolina Slightly More Beige
Pete Buttigieg returns to South Carolina with an exciting new initiative to make the state slightly more beige.
Music
Drake Country Collaboration Teased by PowerPoint in Nashville Press Release
A corporate task force prepares for a Drake country collaboration after the rapper was spotted at an Ella Langley show.
Technology
Apple Store Secrets Exposed in Hearing on That Weird 'Other' Section
A court transcript reveals the truth behind that weird 'other' section in Apple Stores, exposing a bizarre web of retail secrets.
Music
Big Thief Triple Album Recalled After Causing Severe Emotional Drowsiness
Regulators issue a recall on the Big Thief triple album after listeners report severe emotional drowsiness and involuntary wistful sighing.
Politics
Kazakh President’s Grip on Power To Be Upgraded with New Hydraulic Pistons
Leaked documents show the president’s grip on power is getting a massive physical upgrade with heavy-duty industrial hydraulics.
Music
Justin Timberlake Concert Pop-Up Spawns Terrifying New Safety Protocols
A surprise Justin Timberlake concert appearance at a Don Toliver show forces Miami venues to adopt extreme new safety protocols.
Business
Josh Kushner's Fortune Reaches Peak Wealth via Literal Magic
Josh Kushner's fortune hits $17 billion as Thrive Capital abandons tech investing to focus on literal, ancient sorcery.
Music
Bibio and Dorian Concept Collaborative Album Recalled After Listeners Float Away
A federal agency issued a recall for the Bibio and Dorian Concept collaborative album due to dangerous levels of ambient levitation.
Politics
Democracy Recall Notice: Ukrainian Elections Recalled For Extreme Danger
A formal democracy recall notice warns that holding Ukrainian elections under current conditions may lead to catastrophic structural failure.
Music
Rio Da Yung OG Internal Memo Details Battle Plan For New Album
A leaked corporate memo outlines the aggressive marketing strategy for the Rio Da Yung OG new album and his latest single.
Business
Power Grid Outage Memo Instructs Staff To Tell Customers Electricity Is A Mindset
A leaked memo reveals utility executives are rebranding the power grid outage in Indiana as a premium 'ancestral minimalism' experience.
Music
Fontaines D.C. Shows Require Fans to Bring Proof of Irish Ancestry
New rules for the upcoming Fontaines D.C. shows require fans to submit DNA test results to prove Irish heritage before buying tickets.
Technology
Galaxy S27 Ultra Recall Issued After Camera Lens Sucks In Three Beta Testers
Samsung has issued an immediate recall for the Galaxy S27 Ultra after the smartphone's hyper-dimensional camera lens swallowed three beta testers.
Music
Garth Brooks Setlist Memo Leaks Online Ahead Of Arena Tour
A leaked memo details the terrifying emotional protocols regarding the Garth Brooks setlist for his upcoming arena tour.
Politics
Kazakhstan Future Decided by High-Stakes Game of Rock, Paper, Scissors
Leaked memo reveals diplomats decided the Kazakhstan future using a high-stakes game of Rock, Paper, Scissors instead of election results.
Music
Jennie New EP Recalled Globally Due to High Levels of Emotional Resonance
Regulators issued a global recall of Jennie new EP due to extreme emotional resonance that poses a severe crying hazard.