Business
Recall Issued For S&P 500 After Widespread Volatility Defect Discovered
Regulators issued a safety recall for the S&P 500 and stock index futures after millions of portfolios experienced sudden structural failure.
Tagged: Federal Reserve (26)
Politics
Leaked Memo Reveals White House Strategy To Rebrand Inflation As Free Money
A leaked memo reveals the White House plan to rebrand inflation as a series of mandatory patriotic investments for consumers.
Business
Treasury Yields To Hit 6% If Treasury Department Swaps Cash For Raw Beef
Government officials confirm treasury yields could rise to 6% once the nation transitions to a beef-backed currency system.
Politics
Trump Approval Rating Plummet Linked To New National Currency of Shrugged Shoulders
A historic Trump approval rating drop has forced the government to adopt a new national currency based entirely on shrugs.
Politics
Federal Reserve Chairman Disguises Himself As Giant Fern To Avoid Trump Ire
The Federal Reserve Chairman successfully avoided a public scolding by disguising himself as an office plant.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Bad Decision Interest Rate After Consumer Panic
Regulators recalled the bad decision interest rate after reports of immediate executive panic and high-volume press tantrums.
Business
Federal Reserve Rates Hiked to 150 Percent Just to Feel Something
The Federal Reserve raised federal reserve rates to 150 percent today in an desperate, adrenaline-fueled attempt to feel an emotional spark.
Business
Hiking interest rates with physical hiking boots
Leaked memo reveals Fed plans for hiking interest rates with physical hiking boots to stomp out inflation.
Business
Kevin Warsh Faces Intensifying Pressure to Explain Exactly What Interest Rates Are
Kevin Warsh faces intensifying pressure to explain what interest rates are as Senate transcripts reveal deep confusion.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Latest Inflation Report Over Exploding Numbers
Federal regulators have recalled the latest inflation report due to concerns that the rapidly expanding numbers could explode under pressure.
Business
Fed Rate Hikes Admitted Under Oath In Secret Tribunal
A leaked court transcript reveals that upcoming Fed rate hikes are actually decided by a giant prize wheel in the basement.
Business
Mortgage Rates Hit 300 Percent to Ensure Only Ghosts Can Afford Homes
Mortgage rates hit record highs as banking officials pivot to selling homes exclusively to ghosts and other non-living entities.
Business
New Economy Dashboard Unveiled by Federal Reserve for Immediate Panic
The Federal Reserve launches its new economy dashboard to track financial ruin through animated emojis and real-time vibe checks.
Business
Federal Reserve Pegs 10-Year Yield to the Heart Rate of This One Specific Squirrel
The Federal Reserve stabilized the market by pegging the 10-year yield directly to the panic levels of a DC park squirrel.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Warsh Speeches Over Extreme Inflation Risks
Federal regulators issue a recall of Warsh speeches due to hazardous levels of hawkish rhetoric that may overheat the economy.
Business
Fed Chair Warsh fights inflation by whispering very quietly
Fed Chair Warsh fights inflation by whispering at reporters, claiming loud noises make the dollar lose its value.
Business
Fighting Inflation Means Fighting You, Fed Warns
Federal Reserve officials confirm they are not done fighting inflation and plan to physically fight you behind a grocery store.
Business
Federal Reserve Product Recall: Interest Rate Hikes Deemed Choking Hazard for Small Businesses
Regulators issue a nationwide recall on interest rate hikes after reports of severe choking hazards among small businesses.