Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Latest Inflation Report Over Exploding Numbers
Federal regulators have recalled the latest inflation report due to concerns that the rapidly expanding numbers could explode under pressure.
Tagged: Federal Reserve (17)
Business
Fed Rate Hikes Admitted Under Oath In Secret Tribunal
A leaked court transcript reveals that upcoming Fed rate hikes are actually decided by a giant prize wheel in the basement.
Business
Mortgage Rates Hit 300 Percent to Ensure Only Ghosts Can Afford Homes
Mortgage rates hit record highs as banking officials pivot to selling homes exclusively to ghosts and other non-living entities.
Business
New Economy Dashboard Unveiled by Federal Reserve for Immediate Panic
The Federal Reserve launches its new economy dashboard to track financial ruin through animated emojis and real-time vibe checks.
Business
Federal Reserve Pegs 10-Year Yield to the Heart Rate of This One Specific Squirrel
The Federal Reserve stabilized the market by pegging the 10-year yield directly to the panic levels of a DC park squirrel.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Warsh Speeches Over Extreme Inflation Risks
Federal regulators issue a recall of Warsh speeches due to hazardous levels of hawkish rhetoric that may overheat the economy.
Business
Fed Chair Warsh fights inflation by whispering very quietly
Fed Chair Warsh fights inflation by whispering at reporters, claiming loud noises make the dollar lose its value.
Business
Fighting Inflation Means Fighting You, Fed Warns
Federal Reserve officials confirm they are not done fighting inflation and plan to physically fight you behind a grocery store.
Business
Federal Reserve Product Recall: Interest Rate Hikes Deemed Choking Hazard for Small Businesses
Regulators issue a nationwide recall on interest rate hikes after reports of severe choking hazards among small businesses.
Politics
Hackers Penetrate Federal Systems and Steal 40 Million Empty PDF Templates
A state-sponsored hacker group breached US federal agencies to steal 40 million empty PDF templates, ignoring all actual classified data.
Business
Treasury Debt Buyback Scheme Leaked Memo Reveals Plan To Use Bed Bath & Beyond Coupons
Leaked memo reveals the treasury debt buyback scheme will use expired coupons to avoid a total dollar devaluation spiral.
Business
Asia Shares Slip As Fed Rate Hike Fears Grip Markets
Asia shares slipped as markets repriced Fed rate hike fears. Oil prices spiked amid growing global uncertainty and speculation.
Music
Fed’s Warsh Era Vibe: Interest Rates Now Dictated by Mood Rings
The Fed’s Warsh era has introduced a revolutionary ‘vibe’ to monetary policy, with interest rates now directly linked to Chairman Warsh’s daily mood.
Music
G.O.P. Senator Clears Path to Advance Fed Chair Nominee with Completed Crossword
A G.O.P. Senator is prepared to advance a Fed Chair nominee after successfully completing a Sunday crossword. His office lauded the rigorous mental preparation.
Politics
Powell Probe Dropped Over Crumb Scrutiny, Warsh Advanced Anyway
The controversial Jerome Powell probe dropped after investigators found no evidence of ‘malicious crumb-hoarding.’ Kevin Warsh was advanced anyway.
Music
DOJ Drops Jerome Powell Probe, Citing Novel Distraction
The DOJ drops criminal probe into Fed chair Jerome Powell after agents became engrossed in an unexpected, non-criminal curiosity.
Politics
Judge Rejects DOJ Bid to Reinstate Powell Subpoenas
Judge rejects DOJ bid to reinstate Powell subpoenas for the Fed. Jerome Powell remains un-subpoenaed, much to the chagrin of prosecutors.