Music
BigXthaPlug Faces Charges After Missing Country Festival
An internal memo reveals how United Texas Records is spinning the news as BigXthaPlug faces charges after missing a major Canadian country festival.
Tagged: Music Industry (256)
Music
Turnstile Reimagined Album Leaks Via Chaotic Corporate Memo
A leaked corporate memo reveals the chaotic strategy behind the upcoming Turnstile Reimagined album and its bizarre guest list.
Music
Latin Music Charity Trial Exposes Massive Industry Conspiracy
A federal court transcript reveals how a Latin music charity allegedly funded a secret global autotune monopoly.
Music
Product Recall: The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Deemed Choking Hazard
Regulators issue a recall on The 5 Best Songs of the Week due to structural hazards and loose melodies that pose a choking risk.
Music
Odyssey Cult Supergroup expansion raises corporate risk levels
Leaked memo reveals corporate panic over the new Odyssey Cult Supergroup expansion and its high levels of psychedelic feedback.
Music
Twin Temple Dropped From Charley Crockett Shows Over Satanic Imagery
Twin Temple, known for their Satanic imagery and doo-wop, were dropped from Charley Crockett shows, citing their infernal anthems.
Music
Joe Bonamassa Announces 2027 Tour, Fans Scramble for Future Tickets
Blues-rock legend Joe Bonamassa announced his 2027 Winter US Tour, prompting fans to make extreme long-term life adjustments for future concert attendance.
Music
Gracie Abrams Done ‘Pointing Fingers’ After Realizing Other People Exist
Gracie Abrams is done ‘pointing fingers’ in songs, citing past carelessness. Olivia Rodrigo takes notes.
Music
“The 5 Best Songs Of The Week” Declared, Humanity’s Opinions Obsolete
“The 5 Best Songs Of The Week” have been objectively determined by an AI and experts, rendering human opinions irrelevant. Mandatory enjoyment is encouraged.
Music
Spotify Malcolm Todd Streams Purged After Algorithmic Embezzlement Scandal
Spotify Malcolm Todd Streams vanish as internal algorithm, ‘Melody Minder 7.3,’ is accused of siphoning royalties for virtual real estate. Fraud implicates Kalshi betting.
Music
Spotify Confirms Streaming Fraud After Kalshi Trader Flags Suspicious Malcolm Todd Numbers
Spotify confirms streaming fraud after Kalshi trader flags suspicious Malcolm Todd numbers. Over 500,000 streams deleted.
Music
Queen Of Jeans’ “Still Learning” Track Fails to Educate Any Listeners
Queen Of Jeans’ new single “Still Learning” offers listeners precisely zero new insights, with experts confirming the band knows nothing more than before.
Music
Dylan Tour Guitarists Mysteriously Removed by Road Crew Following ‘Chord Incident’
Bob Dylan’s tour guitarists vanished this week, leaving only a pile of neatly organized picks and questions. Experts say their playing was ‘too harmonious’ for Dylan’s art.
Music
New Order Tour Shake-Up: Key Members Opt for Quiet Life, Citing ‘Excessive Stage Presence’
Stephen Morris and Gillian Gilbert will not be touring with New Order “for the foreseeable future,” citing sourdough and birdwatching as new passions.
Music
Lauryn Hill Accepts Living Legend Icon Award After 4-Hour Tribute
Lauryn Hill received a ‘Living Legend Icon Award’ at the 2026 BET Awards after a tribute so long it spawned academic debate on ‘proactive nostalgia’.
Music
Beabadoobee Details New Album Pylon, Reveals It’s Actually a Giant Traffic Cone
Beabadoobee Details New Album Pylon, revealing it’s a literal, massive traffic pylon. Fans face logistical challenges for the upcoming international tour.
Music
Panel Unanimously Agrees: The 5 Best Songs Of The Week All Feature Whistling
A prestigious panel of music experts yesterday named The 5 Best Songs Of The Week. All selections shared one surprising characteristic: they exclusively featured whistling.
Music
Delevingne’s New Single Found To Induce Global Tidiness Epidemic
Cara Delevingne’s new single, co-written with Fiona Apple, has caused a global tidiness epidemic. Listeners report inexplicable urges to clean.