Music
Danz CM Bontempi Pop Release Triggers Global Shortage of AA Batteries
A surge in vintage synth hype from the Danz CM Bontempi Pop release has caused a massive global shortage of AA batteries.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Dahi Is Playing Catch With Himself to Protest Creative Bankruptcy
A federal court transcript reveals Dahi is playing catch with himself because the music industry is too boring to collaborate with.
Music
Mary Lattimore Score Leaked in Internal Corporate Memo
A leaked internal memo reveals a corporate crisis after a new Mary Lattimore score accidentally puts the entire sales team to sleep.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Daisy Chain Festival Faces Legal Action From Sadness Regulators
The Olivia Rodrigo Daisy Chain festival faces municipal fines after performances by Stevie Nicks and Sarah McLachlan caused a local moisture crisis.
Music
Daisy Chain Fields Festival Proves Empathy Can Be Monetized At Scale
The inaugural Daisy Chain Fields Festival successfully turned teenage angst into a highly organized, corporate-sponsored municipal utility.
Music
Federal Recall Issued for Stella Lefty Interpolation of The Chicks After Sonic Drift Hazard
Regulators ordered a recall of the Stella Lefty interpolation of The Chicks due to extreme acoustic nostalgia hazards.
Music
The Who Rehire Zak Starkey After He Agrees to Play Drums on His Knees
The Who rehire Zak Starkey under absurd new terms, forcing the drummer to perform on his knees to prevent him from overplaying.
Music
Marea Viva Benefit Concerts Target Wrong Tectonic Plate, Internal Memo Reveals
A leaked memo reveals the Marea Viva benefit concerts accidentally stabilized a luxury resort instead of rebuilding Chocó.
Music
Charli xcx Brat Trial Reveals Government Secret Behind Reading Festival Set
Court transcripts from the Charli xcx Brat trial reveal the government secret behind her iconic Reading Festival headline set.
Music
Tim McGraw Fall Sparks New Gravitational Safety Initiative by Country Icon
A recent Tim McGraw fall inspires the country legend to launch a global initiative against the dangers of gravity and stage edges.
Music
Taylor Swift Philanthropy Recalled After Rhode Island Incident Causes Extreme Humility
Regulators issued a nationwide recall of Taylor Swift philanthropy after a $50,000 donation in Rhode Island caused extreme humility.
Music
Sam Smith Petty Dispute Escalates In Court Under Cross Examination
A court transcript from the Sam Smith Petty dispute reveals shocking claims about the music industry's songwriting secrets.
Music
Olivia Tremor Control Fans Panic Over Advice From The Oceans
Indie fans panic over the literal advice from the oceans offered by psych-pop legends the Olivia Tremor Control.
Music
Iron Maiden 2026 Tickets Require Fans to Complete Ancient Ritual of Blood and Paperwork
Getting Iron Maiden 2026 tickets now requires fans to survive ancient trials, speed-riff CAPTCHAs, and astronomical processing fees.
Music
The 5 Best Songs of the Week Subpoenaed by Federal Grand Jury
The DOJ subpoenaed the 5 best songs of the week in an antitrust probe, revealing the dark, cheese-funded world of music blogging.
Music
Bad Wolves Recall Issued After Skillet Tour Cancellation and Dolly Parton Incident
A federal Bad Wolves recall has been issued following the band's removal from the Skillet tour and a disastrous Dolly Parton cover incident.
Music
Peter Gabriel 'Looking For The Happy' Lunar Release Triggers Actual Tides in Bath, England
Peter Gabriel 'Looking For The Happy' causes actual tidal shifts after the singer releases his latest track on the full moon.
Music
Andrew W.K. Jazz Album Sparked Global Calm, Federal Court Transcript Reveals
A Senate subcommittee investigates the sudden global drop in adrenaline caused by the new Andrew W.K. jazz album.