Music
Andrew W.K. Jazz Album Sparked Global Calm, Federal Court Transcript Reveals
A Senate subcommittee investigates the sudden global drop in adrenaline caused by the new Andrew W.K. jazz album.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Mastodon Album Recall Issued After 'Marrow Deep' Vibrations Collapse Three Local Bridges
A federal Mastodon album recall has been issued after low-end frequencies from the new record structurally damaged local highway bridges.
Music
Tiny Habits Album Keepers Causes Dangerous Spikes in Local Niceness
The new Tiny Habits album Keepers is causing dangerous spikes in local niceness and polite eye contact, authorities warn.
Music
Dinosaur Jr. Tour Extended to Year 2038 to Ensure Every Dad in America Attends
The newly expanded Dinosaur Jr. tour will run through 2038 to ensure every single American father has his ears ring at least once.
Music
Slime Language 3 Recalled by Government Over Severe Bass Hazards
Regulators issued an urgent recall for Slime Language 3 due to dangerous bass levels that can crack residential foundations.
Music
Dominic Fike Wallflower Recall Issued After Track Sparks Spontaneous Nicotine Cravings
A federal recall has been issued for Dominic Fike Wallflower after the track was found to trigger severe, immediate cigarette cravings in listeners.
Music
Bad Wolves Jolene Cover Recalled After Exposing Listeners to Extreme Dolly Parton Deprivation
Regulators issue an urgent product recall for the Bad Wolves Jolene cover after discovering a total absence of promised Dolly Parton vocals.
Music
TheARTI$t Purpose Memo Leaked After Singer Finds True Calling
Leaked Atlantic Records memo reveals corporate panic over R&B star finding TheARTI$t Purpose during her viral single 'Sober'.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Charity Festival Sued Over 'Too Much Helpfulness' by Live Nation
Court transcripts reveal the legal battle over the Olivia Rodrigo charity festival and its $10 million fundraising success.
Music
Revolution Hall Renovation Proves Moldy Desks Make the Best Concert Seating
The Revolution Hall renovation brings authentic detention-era aromas and moldy desks to Portland music fans.
Music
Mac DeMarco Streaming Drop Includes Audio of Artist Doing His Laundry
The new Mac DeMarco streaming drop features four secret albums, including a 45-minute recording of the indie star doing his laundry.
Music
Haute & Freddy Touch Touch Lawsuit Exposes Illegal Pop Hook Cartel
A shocking court transcript reveals the secret cartel behind Haute & Freddy Touch Touch and the global monopoly on catchy choruses.
Music
Trentemøller Album Announcement Sparks Massive Local Panic After Danish Synth Wave Mistaken For Tsunami
A dramatic Trentemøller album announcement triggered a city-wide evacuation in Copenhagen after residents mistook synth waves for a real tsunami.
Music
Before The World Blows Memo Warns Employees of Imminent Doom
Leaked memo reveals Motown Records plans to market the new album Before The World Blows by Erykah Badu and The Alchemist before society collapses.
Music
Frost Children Remix Declared A Hazardous Noise Spill By Corporate HR
An internal corporate memo orders the immediate quarantine of the new underscores tracks and the volatile Frost Children remix.
Music
New David Byrne Film Features 12 Hours of Concrete Architecture and No Music
The new David Byrne film from director Brady Corbet swaps out the music for 12 hours of raw concrete buildings.
Music
Florida Bans Jelly Roll Over Trump Penis Comments
Florida legislators have enacted an official Jelly Roll Florida ban following the singer's comments regarding Donald Trump's physical anatomy.
Music
Dahi Releases How to Pray But Fans Demand Refund Over Lack of Holy Water
Dahi Releases How to Pray but listeners complain the Kendrick Lamar collab lacks physical miracles.