Music
Colombia’s Presidential Election Decided by Rock, Paper, Scissors
After Colombia’s presidential election ended in a tie, the nation’s next leader was decided by a tense, single-round game of ‘rock, paper, scissors.’
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Primary Election Day Sees Record Turnout… For Booth Durability Tests
A pivotal Primary Election Day saw record voter turnout, but many participants focused on testing polling booth durability rather than casting ballots.
Music
Dexter Wansel’s Ghost Continues To Produce Hits
Dexter Wansel, Sound of Philadelphia architect, dies at 75. His ghost continues to produce hits, baffling son and record execs.
Music
HYBE JAPAN Growth Attributed to Esoteric Spreadsheet Formulas
Hyunrock Han of HYBE JAPAN reflected on company growth, admitting he mostly ‘just showed up.’ His unique, hands-off approach led to an accidental explosion in staff.
Music
Don Toliver Turns MSG Into His Playground with Octane Tour
Don Toliver’s ‘Octane’ tour hit MSG with SZA and Peso Pluma. The show was a playground takeover.
Music
C+C Music Factory Co-Founder Threatens To Sue Frontman For Using Group Name
C+C Music Factory co-founder’s estate threatens to sue frontman for using the group name after a toilet-based defense.
Music
Cro-Mags Release First Song in Six Years, Confirm They Are Still Wired for Chaos
Cro-Mags dropped their first song in six years, proving they are still wired for chaos. Album out in 2027.
Music
Frampton-Mania Doc Trailer Reveals Rock Star Suffered Post-Fame Existential Dread
New doc trailer shows Peter Frampton’s ‘Frampton-Mania’ fame led to existential dread and thoughts of dog grooming.
Music
Riley Green Announces ‘Cowboy As It Gets Tour,’ Promises Actual Cowboys
Riley Green’s ‘Cowboy As It Gets Tour’ promises real cowboys and livestock for an authentic experience.
Music
Keznamdi Unveils U.S. Dates for Blxxd & Fyah Tour, Promises Existential Fire
Keznamdi’s Blxxd & Fyah tour is coming to the U.S., promising existential fire and a sonic exorcism.
Music
John Summit Opens 2026 CTRL ESCAPE Arena Tour Ticket Sales With Unprecedented Price Hikes
John Summit’s 2026 CTRL ESCAPE Arena Tour ticket prices soar. Fans struggle to buy affordable tickets amid astronomical costs for the anticipated event.
Music
Meta Reels Series Unveiled, Demanding Viewer Commitment
Meta’s new ‘Reels Series’ feature turns fleeting short-form videos into inescapable, multi-part sagas, demanding unprecedented viewer commitment.
Music
Freedom 250 Down To Just Vanilla Ice & Flo Rida After Epstein Bookings Surface
The Freedom 250 concert series now features only Vanilla Ice and Flo Rida. Reports link many withdrawn acts to Jeffrey Epstein’s posthumous talent division.
Music
SZA Makes Surprise Appearance at Don Toliver Show, Sings About Being Used
SZA surprised fans by appearing at Don Toliver’s show to sing ‘Used.’ Other artists also made surprise appearances, proving surprises are now expected.
Music
JPEGMAFIA Removing Experimental Rap Track Over Sample Dispute
JPEGMAFIA removing experimental rap track over sample dispute with punk band. Band claims sonic vandalism. Album will be re-released.
Music
Hurry’s New Single “Moving After You” Features Gerard Love, Fuels Existential Dread
Hurry’s new single “Moving After You” with Gerard Love induces melancholy. Fans question life choices. A sonic exploration of sadness.
Music
Taylor Swift’s ‘Toy Story 5’ Song Signals Return to Country, Movie Music
Taylor Swift’s ‘Toy Story 5’ song is set to bring her back to country music and movie soundtracks. Fans are buzzing.
Music
Kelela’s “point blank” Is The Sound Of A Single Tear
Kelela’s new single “point blank” is the sound of a single tear. The avant-pop artist explores deep emotion on her upcoming album.